Last night I was chatting with new friends in a fairly decent chatroom at adoptiontriad.org. We were discussing the issues concerning adoption, birth certificates, and open records. I am realizing that some of this stuff is old news to you guys. I am only now discovering some harsh realities.
I will start with Pat Robertson. Everyone knows he is a wingnut when he just opens his mouth. He has been promoting adoption instead abortion these days He and others like the ACLJ, the National Council for Adoption, and The Christian Coalition have been advocating that those who support open records support abortion. I have to wonder if the man and his organizations have foot in mouth disease. They don't seem to research their information very well.
One interesting fact that I found while researching this topic is that the opposite is actually true. The Gutmacher Institute finds that 5 countries with open records all have lower abortion rates. Alaska and Kansas have higher rates of adoption with the open record laws. Most birth parents like knowing that their adopted children are safe and well cared for. This came from a birth parent herself.
In order to promote adoption, the National Council for Adoption blocks birth fathers rights by listing them on a putative passive registry. They do this so that the mother's adoption plan is not interrupted and is allowed to go forward. They are highly opposed to New Jerseys laws concerning open records They feel that mutual consent should decide issues of privacy and openness. What they don't realize is that adoptions from the beginning did not promise confidentiality. Another state that is considering changing its open records laws to favor adoptees and birth parents is Nevada. I have read that 95% of adoptees and birth parents seek open records in adoption. This is something to consider. Most adults (not adopted) have unlimited access to their birth certificate. There is no need to ask Mom and Dad for permission to get the birth certificate. Canada has opened their adoption records but a fine is incurred if the birth parents who wish privacy are contacted. Theonly good thing that the National Council for Adoption had to say was that adoption isn' a psychologic burden or pathology as some therapists like to think. They also said that it is not a defining characteristic. I somewhat agree and disagree with that one. It is not my defining moment nor is it my birth mother's but it does contribute to knowing my identity.
I have a friend who was adopted by her grandmother. Her birth mother terrorized her until it nearly killed her. As a birthday gift, my friend received a box of live scorpions. That episode put her in the hospital. Her grandmother consistently fought to gain permanent custody. My friend has no desire to hear from her birth mother. I totally agree with her. I also had two friends that put their children up for adoption. One has an open adoption. The other's adoption was closed. She did not want to tread on her daughter's life. I have had friends who have found their birth parents that had good experiences and others, yet, had bad experiences. I wanted to know their feelings through out the experience. It has helped me through out the years decode my own feelings which were a garbled mess. Adoption does have a purpose. It just doesn't have to be a secret. It doesn't have to be about lies. If everything is out in the open, the wound is allowed to heal properly.
All of us in the triad need healing, support, and growth. We have the right to our basic information. Everyone else does. Why can't we? ITS TIME TO CHANGE THE LAWS THAT BIND US. MAKE OUR GOVERNMENT SEE IT. PASSIVE REGISTRIES ARE NOT THE WAY.