Thursday, May 25, 2006


Yesterday, I got to go to east Texas. One of my jobs at the State Hospital is to take patients to a less restrictive environment. I went to this other hospital. It was so depressive. I can see why the patients intentionally start a fight to get moved back to our facility. Our hospital is light and airy. Its quiet and peaceful. It has a positive environment. The patients are given space to be themselves. I am actually quite proud of the hospital that I work at.

Whenever I get the chance, I do talk about adoption and its effects. I got the opportunity to ride with two older security officers. I knew without even asking that these two men who are in their late fifties and sixties that they would gladly accept a "love" child from their wives' past. I sometimes think it is because they knew me but I think they actually would accept that child. Many older men would. I think not only has society changed but older people have as well. For the most part people accept that women have children and sometimes they do it out of wedlock. I have no doubt in my mind that my birthmother's husband would accept me. I also have no doubt that my brothers would accept me as well. One of them is on his way to being a doctor. He will see cases of oddity, cruelty, and so forth. I think he would accept his mother having a child out of wedlock. To tell her that is another completely different story. How someone can be so paralyzed by their fear is beyond me. It seems that I will forever be plagued with facing people who hide from their own lies. It is usually lies that they have perpetrated against me. I will never understand the lies.

I am a typical adoptee. I am a control freak. I had people make decisions about me without my being able to do anything about them when I was born. People make those decisions now thinking that they are doing what is best for me. Even in my own search there are those that think that they know better especially when I have already been doing this for months. I have gotten clues and ideas from those who have searched and found. To me those are the people in the know. I am learning how to validate my own self without those who think they know better. I am learning to really think for myself. Of course I was already on this course. Have been for years. I see so much unfairness and cruelty in this world. Then I head back to my little life on the ranch and see tranquility and hope. That is where I get my joy from along with my children, my husband, and our pets. I get to bring joy to my family with pictures of my daughter taking great leaps into growing up. I was someone to be proud of before she rejectedme the second time. I am still that person. I am still the veteran, the mother, the daughter, the wife, the letter carrier, the security officer, the mental health worker, and many other things. So does her rejecting me change me? No not really. I am still those things and more. I am stronger than ever before. She is rejecting herself by rejecting me. In her rejecting me, she has just opened up my world to more wonderful possibilities. I really don't need her because I have many other birthmothers who act in her place. I have a mother that rejoices in the fact that I am trying to change laws in adoption. She knows that current laws could affect her daughters and her granddaughters in a very detrimental way. Although I do have a sister that probably wants to know me, I act in her defense and any children that she might have. Although I have two brothers, I act in the defense of their potential children.

Today I stand in solidarity with my fellow adoptees and my birthmothers across this country. We are strong and we are growing in numbers. We will be heard. We will see to it that there is no shame in being women and children in this country. We will see to it that there is equal rights for all. For me, that means birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees will have access for their original birth certificate.


Mia said...

She is rejecting herself by rejecting me.

Why yes, yes she is! Well said.

Unknown said...

Hi Amy,
you sound so good and strong. I believe you, I believe we are going to be heard. I think it is inevitable.