I feel that we have so many things to learn about each other, so many unsaid things, and so many unknown experiences. I have three things that I've been longing to say to you. I've wanted to say these things alone, sitting next to you, holding your hands, holding you in my arms, looking into your eyes, but this time never seems to come.
These things are, first, that I love you. I love you now, I loved you then when we were one, and I loved you all the time in between. I also want to tell that I'm sorry. Sorry, that I was given no choice, but to leave you at the hospital to go home with people you did not know. You knew my voice, you knew my smell, you knew my soul, and I knew yours. Yes, you had a "good" life, but you started out abandoned by everything that was known to you. I am sorry. I am sorry that my mother was closed to my needs and yours. I am even more sorry that thirty-five years later, she was still closed to both of our hearts. I cannot excuse her for this nor can I forgive her.
Finally, I want to say thank you. Thank you for finding me, but more importantly thank you for wanting to find me and having the strength and courage to ring my doorbell that fateful Sunday afternoon almost two years ago. Meeting you was a joy so wonderful that it's difficult to express in words. I thought my heart would burst with love for you. I thank you for giving me the freedom to say,"Yes I have a child. I have a daughter. A beautiful, loving, smart, successful daughter, who is also a mother." I thank you for giving me the freedom to comprehend that I am a mother, your mother. I gave birth to you, you are my daughter, this is your birthright, this is your heritage and no signing of papers, neither time nor distance can change this reality.
R***, meeting you and knowing you has helped me to like myself. I see so much of me in you. I like you. I like your personality. I like your drive. I like your courage and I like your sensitivity that you want to hide. I need you in my life and I want you in my life and I think you need me too. I love you and I hope that we can take one day at a time from this day foward and build a history together.
I keep you in my heart and mind everyday. It is a rare time when I do not think of you, hoping you are well and happy. My wish is that someday you will know the real me, come to know what's in my heart and all it holds for you. Be safe, be happy, and keep me in your heart.
Wow pretty potent, beautiful and so very loving. What I wouldn't give for one of these. Maybe this reaches her.
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