Saturday, May 20, 2006


Last night was one of the best nights possible. My daughter was in the grand entry for the rodeo. This was her first time. The announcer pointed her out twice in the process. I was just squealing with delight especially that of a proud mama. Too bad my birthmother could not have seen her. She would have been so proud of her granddaughter. Last night her daddy was teaching her how to lope a horse. I have pictures of it and I sent it to all my friends and family.

I am also hoping that I have a new friend joining me on this blog. I hope she likes what I write. It was a bold step for me to take. Opening my life to one person on this ranch. Most people here don't know what I am doing or what I am fighting for. If they knew the truth about the NCFA and its cronies. They would be totally shocked.

Ahhhh the National Council for Adoption put out the Adoption Factbook. I have just skimmed through it. I found so many lies that it was almost funny. It still angered me at the same time. The first thing that I looked at was the registries. They have their information about Indiana wrong. It initially stated that an adoptee could find their birthfather even if the birthmother didn't want contact. That was false. My birthfather, my birthsister and I can not make contact because my birthmother refused contact from me. All of her information to include him and my sister is under her name and her name only. I tried using the law that allowed contact with pre-adoptive siblings. They are listed as just supposed. Birthfathers were not allowed much rights back at the time of my birth. My birthfather was a married man at the time of my birth. The state of Indiana has also been sued because of the naming of birthfathers who were not the father.

The next thing was the terminology used in the triad. They consider the word "sdoptee" a bad term. They say a person who was adopted is better. Well to them I say "I AM PROUD TO BE AN ADOPTEE OR EVEN BETTER BASTARD!!" They don't like the term "natural parents" because it may make the adoptive parents seem unnatural. They don't like the term "biological parents" because it refers to egg and sperm. First Parents is a term that they approved of. They also like birthgivers as a term for birthparents.

They also state "only a minority of individuals ever instigates the search for their birthparents or adopted children." Gee Have they seen the registry at They have over 300,000 on their registry. I have heard that the ISRR registry has over 1,000,000. I know that my search specialist has done several hundred. This same person makes the wise crack about his own adopted daughter. "I wish she had done it before she went to college and law school and before she got married because if she had ben successful, I could have asked her birthparents to help financially with these expenses."
This man and his family also had the birthparents information. Many members of the triad do not have this information. Because of people like this, many of us won't. He further states "Recognizing the rights to confidentiality, most states have laws sealing adoption records. The essential purpose is to protect the anonymity of those who make up the adoption triad." It was initially established to protect the adoption triad from public scrutiny, not from themselves. Its not the public's right to know what happens inside a single family. The right to privacy is not about keeping secrets from family members. It is about the right to be free from government intrusion.

There is one story that is in this factbook that I know it has to be false.

"There are always exceptions of course. One extraordinary case I will always remember came about when I received a call from a clergyman requesting that I speak to a husband and wife regarding a personal dilemma relating to adoption. When we met, I learned that this couple who now had two children in their twenties, had a child while they were in their late teens, before they were married. Based upon their circumstances then, they had chosen to place that child up for adoption. They subsequently married and went on with their lives, having two additional, biological children with whom they were now living with. Now some thirty years later, a contact had been made with the client husband by a young woman who indicated that she had done a search and thought that he may be her birthfather. She was not aware that this individual was now actually married to the birthmother. The birthparents had never revealed their teenage episode to their two other children and they felt that it was an intrusion into their life. All I could do was to explain the legal ramifications, that they had no legal obligation to acknowledge the relationship. I advised them that ultimately each person must do personally what he feels is right and proper for himself. To the best of my knowledge, the couple negated any relationship and did avoid further contact with the woman." This story came straight from the Adoption Factbook III. I find this very hard to believe. They would love their last two children and not love their first. Not wonder how that child was doing. To me that would have serious effects on their marriage and their relationship with their two other children. OH the lies that these people at NCFA perpetrate.

This is also the same group that recommends taking out their credit card with MBNA, taking loans out against the retirement accounts of prospective parents, mortgage their homes, and any other way to adopt a child. With The Gladney Center, Bethany Adoption Services and LDS adoption services, these people charge on the average of $50,000 per child.

These people have pushed very conservative laws into place. In South Carolina, there is a law that allows for drug testing women suspected of drug abuse. What is the criteria to test women for drugs? I think it just might be the financial status of the mother. If she is poor then she must be a drug user. That way they can get the child and put it up for adoption. They also discourage a single woman from raising her child. They give statistics like you will be 16 times more likely to abuse her child. If she eventually marries a man, it might be 20 times more likely that he will be abuse the child. They use the fact that she is poor against her. She can't provide for her child properly. They think that we should dispose of the idea of family preservation. In other words, provide ways for a woman to keep her child. They also try to make a woman feel shame for just having sex. They do everything that they can to verbally criminalize a woman in order to get her child. Many of the anti-adoption crowd believe its prospective adoptive parents that push this supply and demand but it is the money behind all of this. Who gets the money? The adoption agencies get that money. A friend of mine told me to follow the money. That is exactly what I have done. Every one in the adoption triangle (a term that this group doesn't want used because it would indicate sharp hurtful points in the system) gets hurt in many ways.


Peter McEwan said...

Some of us have searched for the truth, but when we have found it we feel worse than ever. I finally discovered my birth mother's history, but it meant learning that her rights had been denied. She tried to keep me, but her skin colour and poverty were against her. I discovered a letter she wrote to the adoption court, which said "you're stealing my son"
Keep on searching, but always bear in mind that truth can hurt too.

Amyadoptee said...

What is sad is that I know my truth. I may not know her name but I know her story. It is an ugly one unfortunately.

Mia said...

Oh Amy this post has me on edge. I knew the NCFA were evil incarnate but I was not aware they had a "fact book" out. That is deeply disturbing. Deeply.

My story of origin is ugly too Amy. Some day I might blog about it but it probably won't be any time soon. The sad part is I'm not sure what is fact and what is fiction thanks to my birth mother. You know come to think of it she would be a really great NCFA member.

We just have to keep reassuring each other that regardless of our stories the moment we came into this world it became a better place!!! If our birth mother's won't tell us then we will just tell each other!