Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Okay today I am ticked off beyond my normal stuff. If you don't want to be offended go somewhere else. I don't know how long I will even have this up. All I know is that I pissed off and hurt.

I went in for my annual physical. I turn 41 in a couple of weeks. I guess this is my whining moment. I deserve it. So I am going to do it. My bladder is falling and the doctor wants to pin it back up soon. My shoulder has a torn rotator cuff. I have a polyp on my cervix. My cholesterol is through the roof ( thanks mom I really appreciate that one). I had a huge cyst removed from above my eye today. That process scared the crap out of me. I was not expecting to do it today. The lidocaine shots hurt like hell. My feet and hands are swelling badly. My doctor put me on a high blood pressure/diuretic combination today. I have been told by my Mom (the woman who raised me) that its either my heart or kidneys. My body is doing things that should be happen at age 65 not 41. I had a friend just die of a massive heart attack. Seems it is the season of it. A family doctor in the same building as my doctor had one and he died as well. My doctor took on his patients.

As I am now freaking out completely over my hands and feet, I think about it. Its a cold harsh realization. If I needed a blood transfusion or anything else, I honestly believe that my birthmother would just as soon as let me die than to help me. It would be one way of getting rid permanently rid of her dirty little secret. We all know how sympathetic the court system are to adoptees. WE are just a bunch of ingrates. They would let me die than to open my records to at least let my birthfather even help me. She wants to punish him as well as me. Heck I honestly believe she thinks girls are worthless compared to her sons. I don't think its right for the government to control my birth certificate. My adoptive mom has even tried to get them opened up. You would think that too would weigh in. But it doesn't. I am just shit out of luck. Well my mother and my husband will find her if I die. Like I said, I am very angry and hurt. It breaks my heart that she could just cast me aside like I am nothing.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about your situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

Attila the Mom said...

Oh Amy, I'm so sorry. I'll be sending you all my most healing thoughts. :-(

Overwhelmed! said...

Amy, I'm so sorry that you're in this difficult situation, quite against your will. I can't believe that your birthmother wouldn't help you in any way. That's just so sad. And I think it's so wrong that you are denied the right to your original birth certificate!

I never, want Snuggle Bug to go through what you're going through, which is why we made a point to exchange all identifing information with his birth parents. They can reach us anytime they need to and we can reach them.

Snuggle Bug will have answers to all his questions, as it should be!

dbannie said...

Amy, you have been on my mind the last couple of days since you posted this entry. Want to say that I am sorry you have to go through all of this and I will send many good thoughts.

Third Mom said...

I'm so sad for you - and selfishly frightened that my children might have the same experience. It's just plain not right.