Sunday, January 14, 2007

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

1. How can you keep a child that belongs to his parents? You have your child's parents contesting the adoption. How can you really keep this child? Do you want your child to find out that you fought his parents over custody? Believe me the child does find out. With computers and google, all that child has to do is google his own name. What will you do when that child reads what you have done? You hid your child from his parents. Have you thought about your child's reaction to you?

2. For the more entitled prospective adoptive parents, how can you view your children as property? You always tell your child that he is yours. A child is a human being. A human has rights, priviledges, and responsibilities of their own. They don't need to take on your issues. Being a parent is about guiding a child, teaching a child, and ultimately letting that child go to become an adult. A child is only on loan from us from God.

3. Why do you expect adoptees to be forever bound to you? We didn't make the contract. We weren't even able to voice our opinion. Once we become adults, those contracts made about us for us should become null and void. My mother doesn't want me to be forever bound to her. She wants me to think for myself, to act for myself, and to be for myself. I pass that along to my own children. I am currently teaching my daughters about finding a good hero for themselves. I found Amelia Earhart and Tina Turner for myself. You see my oldest daughter's teacher is big into Elvis Presley. I want my daughter to find someone who was powerful, classic, intelligent, and actually did some good.

4. After reading the stories about corrupted adoption agencies, how can you say adoption is God's blessing? You need to make sure your children's parents got counseling. You need to make sure that there was no coercion, no lying, and no corruption. If you agree to an open adoption, stick with it. Work out your differences with your child's first parents. It is in the best interest of your child. Identity does matter. Heritage does matter. Biology is not just an accident. Your child deserves to have the best of both worlds. You might actually find some answers to your child's behaviors. Nurture and Nature need to work side by side to make the best for your child.

FIRST PARENTS

No matter what ~ you owe your child honesty. Give them their full parentage. Give them their full truth. It does not matter that it is horrible. You may hate their birth father. That is fine. Those are your feelings. You may even be entitled to that feeling. You still owe your child the truth. I will always believe that an adoptee and a first parent owe each other one phone call, one conversation, or one visit. Just to answer all the questions that both have.

The adoptive parents owe it to the both of them to allow the room for this. They need to take a step back to allow their child to become a complete person.

I have gotten comments from adoptees who did not want to find. We too owe to our parents honesty. No cruelty. It may be hard to be in reunion. Be truthful of your feelings. Please don't be cruel. Just as we have suffered so have our parents.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Believe me, you're wrong. Child do Not always find out their parents fought for them.

Not that the facts aren't there; but that children as well as parents are victims of parental alienation.

http://www.manilastandardtoday.com/?page=police2_jan15_2007

I see a lot of alienation, but this attempt was pretty stunning.

More on alienation:
As Parental Alienation Awareness Day approaches, please see interview regarding the condition of the recently rescued kidnapped boys at:
http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=2056879&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.1.1

Although the below Jaco Report clip is Tragically under-reported, (and snaggy as it looks like I'm a bad ventriloquist) I was glad to have been able to make needed points. Points seldom addressed in general readership papers because no media has a family court "beat" reporter, reporters are not aware it's all about ordering various services of attorneys, therapists, visitation monitors, and those operating non-profits addressing "Anger Management," which by the way, have been proven ineffective.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/10/13/MNGPF8VQE160.DTL

Joy said...

You are so clear Amy, I love it

AMYADOPTEE said...

In this particular case, I agree with you. It was something beyond the families control. I am talking ,though, in relation to adoption. Just look at the Rashad Head case, the Stephanie Bennett case, and the Shawn McDonald case. When the adoption agencies took advantage of these people, their rights and their children's rights are being violated. I feel it must stop. The adoptive parents must be cold people. How can they continue doing this? Hiding the children from their parents is appalling.

Attila The Mom said...

Great and insightful questions, Amy!

I always wonder what aparents who fought (and won) a disputed adoption will tell their adoptees once they're adults and find the truth.

How can they justify this?

sandra45 said...

This is Shawn McDonald's mother. My son has been fighting for the return of his son kidnapped by LDS adoption agency. What most people don't know is that the couple who has hunter are family members of shawn's ex new boyfriend, that is why she hid the pregancy and the child the couple who has hunter hid him so the jury or court would look in the best interest and not take hunter away from them. Shawn still has his rights but doesn't have the right to raise his son which is some 1,500 miles away not only did shawn lose that right so did his daughter that is 3 from the same woman. The jury didn't get to hear everything and didm't know that this has been in courts for 15 months. Right now in Texas father's have the right to pay child support but not raise their children even 3rd partys have more rights. This really need to stop, I heard that their is a another case in houston. Please help get this out it is really kidnapping.