Monday, March 19, 2007

ADOPTEE FEELINGS

Today went good. I worked out at my gym. I made my stats at work. I can't complain. I visited with my hubby. I got to kiss my girls goodnight.

We had two visitors this weekend. One that came by Friday night and stayed until Saturday morning. The other came by Saturday night and stayed until Sunday afternoon. I didn't get to visit with Steve that much. It was a payday weekend. I had grocery shopping and other stuff to get completed. I did visit with Sue though.

Sue is the most awesome woman in the world. I guess it says alot about me that I am comfortable being her friend along with her being my husband's friend. This woman is drop dead gorgeous. My exact opposite. She is a tall statusque horsewoman. I was a little nervous but she quickly put me at ease.

Of course we talked horses. By We I mean Sue, my husband, and myself. Shorty was a main topic. Each other's history was also a topic. So many things this woman as been through are the same things that I have been through.

Adoption was a topic. When is it not for me? She made a comment that sums it up for many mothers out there. She couldn't imagine the pain of wondering about a child. She truly understands many of my mother friends. If a person were to really look beyond the adoption crap, they could understand why mothers across this country have felt loss and pain. Its not one parent better than the other. They are mothers just like I am. I so get where these women are coming from. If you think about your own child, could or would give that child up for adoption? For the most part people can't begin to fathom it let alone do it. We allow women who have lost their children either by accident, death, or illness get to feel that grief. Why can we as a society allow them to feel their grief? Why do we have to punish them for the rest of their lives? Why do we have torture them with closed records? Lets be honest here. Closed records protect only two groups of people here. The adoptive parents and the adoption agencies (and their cronies of course). As I venture further and further out in the adoption world, I am realizing that most adoptive parents want the truth for their children.

Closed records have further stigmatized adoptees. Granted some don't let it consume their lives and some do. In my personal life, I have been asked would this complete me. I honestly don't know but I have not been given the chance to find out. I can't come to any resolution for it. I am blocked by a state that don't believe in children including adults as having rights. I can get any adoptee to talk to me about their experiences. I know many who are a helluva lot more honest with me than they are with their parents, coworkers, friends and so forth. Many want to search. There are those that say they don't want to search but they come a callin' when everyone's back is turned and don't see. Its funny because many times they don't want contact but just the records that accurately record their birth.

Adoptees are for the most part an interestng group. We are vocal, raunchy and fiesty. You just never know what we might do.

3 comments:

Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

Sometimes those who only want their records are afraid of saying any more. The 'medical history/records' combo is a socially acceptible armor and shield to hide the want behind, after having years of being put down for expressing reunion desire. I'm speaking from personal experience.

I don't think that any of it: the truth, the records, the medical history, the reunion, the whole kitten kaboodle, none of it I feel would make me whole, but what it would do is make me feel less powerless. That I've stopped allowing others to determine what is right for me to know, and took matters into my own hands.

Mom2One said...

Closed records seem like a great big mind-f*ck for a whole mess of adoptees across most of the country, to put it incredibly bluntly.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that mothers are included in that mind fuck!
I am mind fucked everytime I see my son's birth certificate that says another woman gave birth to him, same day as me, same time, same hosptial..lies! Our government thinks this is ok as they go on there merry way of altering legal records,,