Monday, May 14, 2007

Two days out of every year are hard on me. One of them is Mother's Day and the other is my birthday. I did not want to write a rant on Mother's day. I just couldn't. I chose just to wish everyone a happy Mother's weekend.

My situation is kind of weird. I haven't quite gotten to the point where I can honor my own motherhood just yet. I have not come that far in my own healing yet. I am still hurt by the choices of the mothers in my life. I understand their perspectives. Truly I do but it still hurts. I am entitled to feel that hurt. At least I am acknowledging it. That is the biggest step I have ever taken with this thing called adoption. One mother chooses not to even recognize me nor her own granddaughters. The other mother chooses not to recognize my natural mother's contribution in me. So I feel negated. I feel zeroed out.

As far as the birthday thing, well I now don't even think its my own birthday anymore. I am feeled with so much doubt towards the whole process. Sadly Indiana is known for this kind of thing. The whole adoption industry is against the truth. Indiana is also known for its incest. Someone told me to pick a day that would recognize me. So I have been thinking about that one.

I find it interesting that the Right to Life and Christian leaders have called upon its congregations to adopt or foster a child. Even though promotion of adoption makes me feel icky, I do understand that adoption and fostering is important and there is a need for it. All I am asking is for adoption reform. Adoption as it stands today goes against the Truth of God. Adoption as it stands today is about financial gain for adoption agencies and adoption attorneys. They don't care how they get the product (that baby) from the producers (natural parents) just as long as they get it and are able to sell IT (that baby) to consumers/buyers ( adoptive parents). They have taken the humanity and the rights out of it. They own those rights and the humanity. They tell us what we can say, can feel, and can think.

Sorry folks I am not built that way. I will continue to write and write until society and our legislators get it.

Sadly off topic, I had to put down my pit bull, Scout. She took an agressive move to another loved animal in the house. He may not make it through the night either. I honestly do not believe that she meant to be agressive but she didn't want my yorkie leaving her side. So she grabbed him like a mother does to a pup. It probably literally gave him a heart attack. So time will tell. Life is like this on a ranch. Choices have to be made. Lives have to be protected. It still hurts though.


3rd generation adoption said...


I understand a lot of what you feel. My bmother left 4 of us and went out drinking and never came home. My foster mother of 4 months came back into my life after I had kids and started to try and tell me how to raise them after she had been through a bitter divorce. My adoption mother never wanted a boy, so she manipulated my father into adopting a sibling group so she could have her way. They separated (and later divorced) only 5 years after the adoption when I was 10. So, who the hell do I have to look up to? I have noone to call father and noone to respect as mother. It does suck. This is the world of foster and adoption. It's all fueled by personal and selfish motives and interests and I'd like to believe differently, but I have very little hope that it will change anytime soon. Hang in there. Mother's day will soon pass.

Erin said...

You are 100% right on the whole Christian thing. I wish they would stop speaking for ME as a Christian, because they aren't acting in the best interest of Jesus.

gmcountrymama said...

That was a beatiful post. I totally agree with you. I also don't know if my birthday is really my birthday. My amom always just says "everything is what the lawyer told me".
No, they don't get it.
Thanks for putting me on your blogroll.

mia said...

OUCH. On all counts Amy. Mothers Day, birthdays and the circle of life on a ranch. Yea.

I'm sorry to hear about your dogs. :o(

I'm here if you want to talk K?