Before the adoptive parents and the happy adoptees blow up at me, understand I have been researching this for a year and a half. Understand I have viewed things from all sides of the fence. I have spoken with too many mothers past and present to continue in the belief that adoption can be a good thing. Yes I have had it good with my own situation. I have do have a great deal to be grateful. That is not the point of this post. It does not matter whether I am happy or not. It does not matter how I was raised. My adoptive parents are not bad people but there are adopters who are. You just need to look at Allison Quets and Stephanie Bennett. Too many of these cases are occurring. Its not about a woman changing her mind years after the fact. Its about women today changing their minds minutes and hours afterwards.
Recently I spoke with a wonderful woman. She was trying to get away from an abusive spouse and made some choices. Those choices by our societal standards would be used against her today. In fact they are. I can't do a GOD DAMN THING about it. After she and I talked, I was so angry that no amount of Ambien CR could allow me to sleep. No amount of Hydrocodone would let me sleep. All I could do was hold my husband. Words racing in my head. What I wanted to write and what I promised not to say. I am probably taking it too far as it is.
I can preach adoptee access would keep these things from happening. I doubt it though. The adoptees in fourty years will discover their own truth. Heads will roll. Hearts will be broken. Granted its the ultimate responsibility of adoption attorneys and agencies, it also lies in the adoptive parents' culpability. Yes adoptive parents, you are responsible for the system for being what it is. You are not responsible for choices these women are forced to make. You are not responsible for their social situations that may or may not warrant relinquishment of their children. Its your desire for a child that creates the high demand. I am not saying that its wrong to desire a child. For most women, that is normal. Adoptive parents can and should demand that adoption is based on honesty and openness. It is their responsibility to make sure there is no coercion. It is their job to research the adoption agency and attorneys. It is their money that makes the adoption industry go round and round. It is their money that makes these individuals and agencies do illegal things. Because the end result is money. Its the swimming pool, the mercedes sedan, or the country club membership. Its giving their children the ivy league
Our society still shames a woman for being in an abusive situation. Our society still blames a woman if she gets pregnant without a husband. The right to life movement pushes adoption without ever researching the long term effects on mothers. It does take two to make a child. It still falls on the woman to make a choice. Those choices are centered on permanent solutions for a very temporary situation. After reading the amendment for TANF funds, these types of laws encourage the usage of "second chance homes" or maternity homes. I am just beginning this research. Many people in this reform movement have been doing it for years. Adoption is not God's will. Its man's version of the HIS truth. Every adoptee in the bible returns to his roots. Even Jesus returns to his father. He too was an adoptee light. What would Jesus do in this? Would he really take the babies from mothers to give to others? Doesn't it say to help the widows and the orphans?
Like I said before starting this, this is not based on my experiences or emotions. It is based on human beings that I have met. Its about knowing exactly where these adoptees will be in 40 years. Adoption as it is practiced now must be stopped and investigated. Changes must take place. I just can't take the treatment of the mothers and children anymore. It sickens and angers me that so many people turn a blind eye to human suffering. Instead of solving the problem, they want to use a permanent bandaid.