It seems that this is a hot topic. I find it hard to discuss my own issues and validation. I have been in the process of understanding this for myself. I have a few key friends that help me with it. They know who they are.
It helps me to fight the laws that created this situation. My emotions are a whole nother ball game though. It does vary from deep pain from loss and extreme anger. Writing does help me enormously. Even if my natural mother and I were best buddies, had the most loving relationship, and she was standing next to me in this fight, I would hurt period. All the love in the world could NOT take that away. I know this and am in the process of learning to accept it. I will always want to experience her experience with adoption. It helps that others are bringing this into the light.
My validation does come from this blog. It also comes from people who have experienced it. It comes from being able to honestly discussing it. I try not to put out my feelings concerning it. This blog would be a total mess if I put only feelings on this. It is the reason why I fight so hard. It helps to know that maybe somewhere, someday that I could maybe help a person escape the hurt that I and others have felt.
Adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents should take heed. You can't love away the pain your adoptee or potential adoptee might feel. Do leave the room available for your child to discuss it. Do not allow your own insecurities come in between you and your adoptee. Make sure that you do involve your child's natural parents in this process. It might help close in on those hard feelings. Make sure that your adoption was ethical.