How many adoptees hate their birthdays? I know that I do. I have so many doubts about my birthday. There isn't a damn thing that I can do about it. After rereading The Baby Thief, I wondered with so many black market children now adults out there why are records sealed. I know in Georgia Tann's case that it was to cover the money.
I had a conversation with my own adoptive mother today. I spent half of my conversation telling her that yes she is my mother. I finally got a little fed up. Whether or not my natural mother chooses to recognize me or not, I am very much a part of her. I want my adoptive family to understand that. It hurts bad enough that my natural mother can't or won't acknowledge me but to have my adoptive family do that makes it so worse. I told my adoptive mother that my search is at the end of the road. I have to change the laws in Indiana in order to get some closure for myself. I have to change them to prevent others from feeling this horrible nagging at my soul.
I have discovered many things about the Suemma Coleman Home for Unwed Mothers. They didn't give adoption paperwork to the adoptive parents. That makes a person wonder what were they hiding. Paperwork was not finalized until close to a year later. I am having to explain to her over and over that agency was not the best. They were no better than any other agency. It makes me very suspicious that they didn't get paperwork. It makes me wonder if I am a Black Market baby undiscovered. Why didn't they give them paperwork?
Then of course discovering that they tortured the women there was horrifying too. They tied the women to their beds so that they couldn't touch their stomachs. They knocked them out at the last minute to keep them from discovering what the sex was of their baby. If I ever find out that I am half Indian, I will raise hell with the agency. They are required by law to reveal my information to me.
So many screw ups, thanks to Georgia Tann. So many legalized lies. When will it ever stop?
10 comments:
Mines coming too, sis, so I know how you feel. It is slowly changing though thanks you people like you.
Thank you.
amy - i have nothing to comment on this post but I wanted to tell you that i greatly appreciate your blog and your position. you are one of the few adoptee blogs that i read that truly gets that some mothers had no choice, had horrible things done to them, and never wanted to give up their child. to many adoptees i read (lately) are so angry at their mothers and it hurts me (and make me worry about myself and my daughter) that they believe we gave them up with joy and glee and were better for it.
we werent.
thank you for your voice and for hearing ours.
Thanks Wraith. Happy Birthday bro.
Suz, thank you very much. All the research that I have read has said the same thing, women didn't have any choice. I do not think that many today do either. I don't want my daughters in that position. I don't want my nieces and nephews in that position either. If I am going to do this, I can't turn my back on what is going on, then and now. I want to prevent it in the future. Heck I worry about one of the women on the ranch because she is a single mother.
oh, and shame on me.
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday Amy.
MaeDay
I so very much appreciate your blog and your post. I am a birth mother, who because at the time there was no such thing as open adoption, was forced to go the route society says is right. I was young, ill informed. I had telephone, letter and physical contact with my daughter for nine years, loving her so much from a distance, which was all I could do. At nine her adoptive mother decided "enough" and she was taken out of the country. I searched for her for ten years and a year ago found her back in the states. The saddest part came when we spoke on the phone "I remember your voice" she said. We're making up for lost time now altho her birth mother threw her from the house and has tormented her for wanting to reestablish a relationship with me. There is so much pain in this horrible process, for the child, for the birth mother. I live with regret and guilt every day of my life. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I sincerely hope you find the peace you seek. Everyone deserves to know their roots, and even moreso, that they were indeed loved and are likely incredibly missed.
Mistake, I mean to say her adoptive mother threw her from the home. My apolgies for any confusion.
I can't stop at just adoptee rights. If I am going to do this right, I have to go all the way. Not just for me, both of my mothers, my sisters and their children, my brothers and their children., but also for the other millions of women, men and children. My mothers, both here and in real life, are the wind beneath my wings.
About birthdays...
I hated my birthday all my life. I told myself it was because of the time my adopters forgot about it.
But I hated it before that.
Yet I only recently realized that even though I was a late adoptee, I am an adoptee. I'm glad I figured that out, because it has helped me tremendously in understanding why and how I hate holidays, especially my birthday, so very much.
Explaining it to others, however; still escapes me.
Amy, Thank you for visiting my blog. That's how I found yours, and it is WONDERFUL! Then I noticed that you listed me (Second Chances). Thanks for that! I'm not very astute at this technie stuff yet, but I plan to figure out how to link to other people's blogs. Yours is definitely worthwhile. And a belated happy birthday.
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