Thursday, October 25, 2007

JUST WRITING SOME THOUGHTS DOWN

I have had a lot of questions running through my brain. I have thought about an email conversation between my high school buddy and myself. I have also had some visitors to my blog that I don't know who they are and where they are wanting from me. I noticed though that they hit one post. Its been a long time since anyone has posted that much on my blog. I have since found out other things about them that do concern me. It is my understanding now that it is becoming standard practice for make non relinquishing natural parents to pay child support. Yep the contesting natural parents especially fathers are now being forced to pay child support. It is a tactic to force them to relinquish. From the comments alone on that post, this group of folks are a very entitled bunch of adoptive parents. Something many of us (to include adoptive parents) in the underground movement call adopters.

Since this is going to be a long post anyway, let me get to that email. I was amazed that someone could get it so quick. I never figured this friend of mine to go "bible thumping." If by some wild chance, he is reading this today or the weeks ahead. I am using our emails to show others how to educate without blowing a fuse. Of course my friend is wonderful man anyway. I love him too much to lose him. I would rather lose a friend than see one make a horrible mistake when it comes to adoption. This man is also an absolute wonderful SINGLE father. I would throttle anyone who stands in his way in being that kind of father.

Here is his email.

Hi Amy,

You know I love and respect you. I do understand that not knowing your biological lineage could drive you crazy, but remember that GOD has a rhyme and reason for everything in this world and he will provide.

There are reasons people put there young up for adoption and you must respect their rights also. You can't force people to see what they gave up. Be it good or bad.

Maybe the reason for all of this was to get your blog going and find others like yourself, but you can't push your beliefs on others. I'm not saying that you are pushing me and I don't want you to feel that way. I appreciate your mail and I dig the video.

I wish you the best in all you do, but if you feel incomplete because your biological mom wants nothing to do with all of this, that is her right and GOD will provide you answers to all in do time and you must be patient and pray for all and every.

Love you always,
In respect for his privacy his name shall not be revealed.

My response to him.

I love you as well. In this road that I have taken I have found out many things. Your attitude towards this is very prevalent and condescending. I don't mean to sound upset but truthfully I am that and hurt. I think you have been around D***** a little too much. LOL.

There are many things in my story that I have not revealed. You have to really dig on my blog to find just some of them. You have to force me to be honest in a way that I can't be with anyone but an adoptee. I shall try for you.

First, I have found out through others that the agency that I was adopted out of is known for telling lies to both adoptees and natural parents. Their search specialist is also known for sabotaging reunions. In fact most CIs are known for doing this. The agency is now associated with a group that is also known for taking an adoptee/natural parent 's money and not giving any information at all. Not even bothering to contact. I have begun to doubt my own birthday. I have met other natural mothers that were at the home at that time frame. I also know how she was treated. That in itself is horrifying. I am no longer searching for her. I haven't been for a very long time. I will probably begin in the future but it is still too hard to stomach.

Yes I am fighting for the same equal rights as you. You have your original birth certificate. You have the document that accurately records your birth. I don't have that. I am a prisoner of my own country because my amended birth certificate is suspect. It doesn't have the date it was file on it. I could not get the documents to prove that I was born in the United States. I could very well be considered an illegal alien in my own country. If she truly doesn't want contact, then I am absolutely fine with that. I say this because I doubt she was even contacted. I seriously think all of my information was a lie. Pretty harsh if you think about it. I don't have the same medical history as you do. I may be passing something onto my children without my knowledge. I hope and pray my daughters having a different race pop out is the least of my concerns.

As far as my blog is concerned, it is one of the top ten adoptee blogs in the country if not the world. I am a respected member of the adoption community. I am also a feared person amongst adoption agencies and their attorneys. My blog was mentioned in a court deposition in Fort Worth. Why? A young man in Fort Worth is fighting for the right to raise his own son. You see that is my story. I don't want to force my natural mother to meet me but I do want my father's information. My natural father wanted to raise me. He too deserves to know that I am alive and thinking of him. The agency would not make contact because she supposedly refused. That young man could be you, A, M, B, and many other of our friends. That young man could be your son. The list of fathers wanting to raise their own children is long. I helped one father regain custody of his son. That was one battle that was won. Many others have been lost because of the myths, lies and deception of adoption in itself. I am not against adoption in itself but I am against mothers and fathers being coerced out of their children. It won't be too much longer where it will be the right to parent one's own children vs. the right to adopt. In the era that you and I were born, single mothers were forced to give their children up for adoption. There was no choice for them. Abortion was not a viable option. I say viable because it was available but women had to jump through hoops to get it. A woman had to be declared mentally insane and sterilized in order to get one. A father these days must know all the state laws regarding his rights. In the previously mentioned case, the father did the right things. It was the agency that violated the law. He still doesn't have his son. I know fathers where the mothers jumped states. They are currently fighting to get custody of their children.

The adoption industry is a 6.7 billion dollar business worldwide. It has motivation to keep these myths continuing. I want to make adoption honest and ethical. Allowing adoptees access to their records would help that. It is sadly twenty one years too late. I need to see to it that the money is taken out of it. I need to see to it that a man and a woman are making their decision fully aware of the hardship it creates for all involved in adoption. I think open adoptions should be legally binding. Adoptive parents are scammed constantly as well too. Its time for it to end.

Women choose abortion because they can't go a lifetime of never knowing how their child is doing. If that child is even alive. Of never seeing that child. If adoption is so great which child are you willing to give up? You would never do that. I know you too well. So in saying that, you must understand the heartache of my natural parents and the millions of other natural parents.

God has absolutely nothing to do with adoption. Adoption as it stands today and in the past is based on money and corruption. God put me here to fight the lies and deception of adoption. Of that I am absolutely sure. God constantly reminds me that there are people out there that need my voice. Everytime I doubt myself, God puts another adoptee or natural parent in my path to keep me true. I am also the sin of my parents. I have paid for their sins. They better damn well go to heaven. All adoptees pay for the sins of their parents. God is also against lies, injustice and cruelty. Adoption is based on societal views against men and women. Even in the bible, adoptees return to their homes and families. Look at Moses and Jesus. Both returned to their true families. Moses fought against his adoptive parents to protect his family. Jesus returned to our Heavenly Father to serve at His side.

I mentioned my father wanted me. B****, he begged, pleaded, coerced and more to get custody of me. He called the agency on 12/20/1965 begging to see if I was still available. That date is the day of my oldest daughter's birthday. His wife also knew of my existence and wanted me as well. My mother used the name Anne in the home. Both of my daughters have Anne in their names. For years as a child, I cried every time I heard a siren. I was probably crowning in the ambulance as they took her to the hospital. I remembered her. That will always be the punch in my gut for the rest of my life. I was not born with a clean slate. I also know that they probably tied her to the bed to prevent her from touching her stomach or touching me. I also know that she was knocked out to prevent further knowledge of me. She was not allowed to hold me or see me. She was also fed three sparse meals during her interment at the home. I could never figure out why my girls were so big and I was so small as a baby. Now I know why. I fight to prevent these kinds of things from EVER happening again.

Adoptees are the only ones who don't have a choice. Why should we be bound by a contract for the rest of our lives? A contract that we did not sign. Most contracts are not valid with a minor. Yet I and millions like me are bound by that agreement. Would you honor an agreement made by others on your behalf? In a court of law, you would not be required to but I am. Also the laws in 44 states are based on what the agencies want. Not what adoptive parents, natural parents and adoptees want and need. In the six states that have adoptee access, adoption is on the rise and abortion is decreasing. I have proof of it. In the six states again, 97% of natural parents want contact from their children. There have been no issues of stalking adoptees. Again I can prove all of this. In some of those states, the percentage is higher. Even raped natural mothers want contact from their children. I have proof of that too. I have tons of research, books, and statistical information proving what I say is true. I have spoken with thousands of natural mothers and fathers across this country. I am not someone who is ignorant. I am not someone who is having a temper tantrum. I am very well versed in laws in many if not all of the states in this country of ours. I am a member of Bastard Nation, OriginsUSA, Concerned United Birth Parents, Chosen Babies, Soul of Adoption, Indiana Looking, Adoptee Rights, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute's email list, and probably many other lists and groups. I back up what I say with facts and documentation.

I know that you can't even begin to imagine all of this. I don't expect you to understand. I hope and PRAY that you learn from my experiences. I pray that you as my friend never experience the horror of adoption as it is now and then practiced. I don't want our children subjected to it either. I don't want you robbed of your grandchildren. If I can prevent this, then I have done my job as God wanted. I have followed HIS will. It will because of me and others like me that you won't be denied your rights as a parent and as a grandparent.

Sincerely,
Amy

His response titled Call me ignorant.

Dear Amy,

I guess I am the ignorant one. I did not realize all the BS that goes with the agencies. Being government I guess I should have.

I do understand a bit more. I guess not being adopted I never really payed attention to all the ins and outs of it all.I am truly sorry that I have hurt you through my ignorance. I should know better.

As far as D*****, we've never discussed the subject before. I really don't know where he stands on the subject, but I do know that God gave everybody the right to a choice of their actions and be it wrong or right, it is still their choice. I did not realize that the agencies are apparently on the side of evil and it must be defeated and that is God's plan for you.

I don't mean to push on the religion factor so much, but it is a big part of life in this world and should be followed by all, even though it's not. That is the sad part.

As I said earlier, I am truly sorry that I hurt you. I did not mean to. I guess I am just not educated on all aspects of the adoptee world.

I am not a big reader and working in the spirits (alcohol) business doesn't give me a lot of time to do much of it. Especially during the holidays.

I also should have known that you are not one to go into something half heartily and tried better to understand where you come from. I wish the best for you and hope everything works out in your quest.

God is watching over you and your and all will be wonderful. Have faith. Which I'm sure you do. Y'all will be in my prayers and I sorry for all the jerks in the adoption service are messing up so many lives, but I know you will have an impact on it and them and things will change for the better because of your persistence. I wish you the best.

On a different note. I hope the family is doing well and life is treating you well.

Still w/ love, and now, admiration.

Now to this group. After reading the comments, it can be deduced that this is a group of entitled adopters. Yes I say adopters. Just like they use derogatory commentary against Ibaanika and other natural parents. They need to understand that they too deserve negative commentary right back. It is a shame that they feel so entitled. One day they too will realize the harm that they have inflicted on their owned children. More harm than what any natural parent would have done. Yes you own the children. They will know how you bought and paid for them without a care in the world for them. As an adoptee who had a father who wanted her, I can tell you that they will feel anger at you. In my case, my adoptive parents didn't know what was going on at the agency. My own adoptive mother feels horror at what was done at the hands of this agency. I don't know if any of this group realize this. As you are talking about your child's parents, you are commenting on them as well. What you say about the natural parents reflects on your child. They will wonder if you feel this way about them. It will show up in your relationship with them. I can say this much. My mother never spoken badly about my natural parents. By the way, comment moderation is on. I will warp whatever you say in comment moderation.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I realize that you have done alot of research and have much more knowledge of the adoption industry than I do. So maybe you could clear up/correct my assumption that the adoption industry originally started as something good and "from God" as your friend suggested.

It is my understanding that adoption originally started in the 18/1900's as a means to eliminate orphanages and the stigma of being an orphan that would follow someone for the rest of their lives. The orphanages of the 1800s were nothing to admire or desire, bastard children were looked down on for their entire lives and true orphans were very common given the life expectancy back then. I thought adoption was a means to give these children/adults a future without such a stigma.

Obviously, in this country and at this time neither of these reasons exist but it seems as if the original intent was for the good of people.

ONE MEAN ANGRY ADOPTEE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ONE MEAN ANGRY ADOPTEE said...

It may have started that way. It didn't stay that way. You have the Orphan Trains from that time period. The "so called" adoptive parents used these children on farms to work them and help them raise their crops. They didn't consider these orphaned children their children. They considered the work horses to make their lives easier.

Then you had ppl like Georgia Tann who used it to profit. She sealed records to cover her tracks. Sealed adoption records were also intended to remove the shame off adoptees. They were not supposed to have been sealed from the adoptee. States didn't understand the wording of the law and also included adoptees from it. It was also used to stop interference from natural parents. Probably because natural parents didn't want to give up their children. It was done illegally in those days as well. I have read many horror stories where unwanted children were killed. Society turned its head to this. Interestingly enough, society still damns adoptees. We are considered ungrateful little bastards if we search. They still tell us living adoption how we should feel about adoption.

With the myths out there about natural parents wanting privacy, it is just more deception on the part of adoption agencies and their kind to cover their proverbial butts. It is now being written into these laws that the state and the agencies can't get sued over disclosure. These types of laws put it back on natural parents. It was the agencies that caused these situations.

As far as God and adoption is concerned, I don't think He is allowed to be involve that much because the money issue is so prevalent. I think God does intervene like in the Mother Jones story. I know that He has intervened on my behalf. He has given my own adoptive mother strength to face her own fears and truths. He has given me a voice to step up and point all of this out. I believe He is against the lies, corruption, and coercion. I have been asked if I am really doing God's will so many times. It usually hits me at a vulnerable point. Within minutes or hours, another individual asks me to help search, find laws, and help them over an issue within adoption. I am then gently reminded that my voice and the so many others are needed. I just don't protect adoptees but all living adoption. I am not anti-adoption just against adoption as it is now practiced.

Mary said...

powerful post Amy!

Andie D. said...

I AM STANDING UP AND CHEERING RE: YOUR REPLY!

Adoption is NOT god's will. The sad truth is that adoption is absolutely a FOR PROFIT BUSINESS.

DENISE ROESSLE said...

Man, you DID get hit on the Missouri post! Adopter-fu for sure.

Keep on telling the truth, spreading the word, being ungrateful, fighting this battle. I think you're terrific!

Ungrateful mom, Denise

P.S. Oh and I agree. If there is a God, adoption would not be his/her will. It's just plain not natural.

Mark said...

Thank you Amy... truly helpful post to this adoptee...

I too need to hear this stuff again and again... from others in order to remember just what happened... and what is happening.

Yes, I think this is a ministry... just what you did here.

jeni said...

this is a rockin blogger! tell it like it is sister!!!