Saturday, June 28, 2008

SOME PEOPLE NEVER GET IT

There is a blogger out there that really weirds me out. She uses bible phrases and her own personal twist to define "real" motherhood.I don't think she even wants to consider the adoptee's feelings on this. She is getting all kinds of hurrahs over it as well from adoptive parents. The blogging world of adoption is starting to see a resurging of those kinds of adoptive parents.

Here is a blogger that thinks she hung the moon.

For these types of adoptive mothers, do you believe that you own your child? Seriously you are way too threatened over terminology. You both should really listen to the adoptee's point of view. All adoptees. Not just the happy yappy ones. The angry ones as well. All the ones in between as well too. By ignoring the other adoptees that don't say what you want them to say, you are ignoring the thoughts that your child might feel.

This is how I look at it. My natural mother and my adoptive mother are both my "real" mothers. Period. There is no discussion or analyzing this deeply. They both are very real to me. The adoptive mothers have got to realize that they would not be mothers if these natural mothers hadn't relinquished their children.

Lets look at another example. Two parents get divorced. They both remarry to other individuals. Here are two sets of parents. A mother and her husband, the step father. A father and his wife, the step mother. Children are expected to love both sets of parents in this situation. How is it that adoption is any different? Of course this is saying when adoption is done in the best interest of the child. Are any of these parents any less a real parent? No. It should be said the same for natural parents.

It would behoove adoptive parents to remember this. You would not be a parent of any kind without the natural parents.


5 comments:

Sunny said...

Hope you're doing well, love. xx

Lori A said...

Yeah!! Thank You. I hold my daughters parents in the highest regard. They gave her everything I hoped they would and then some. She had a great life, she adores her parents, but she still needed me. She needed to at least see me, talk to me, and as it turned out she needed me in her life. After a few years of having me, she felt the paings for her paternal father. She now has him, and it has completed so much of her. My daughter, like my boys looks nothing like me. So meeting me was great but still questions were unanswered. Disappointingly when she met her father she didn't look like him either. BUT when we all got together and opened the family album she found her face in his sisters. She found her nose on her grand mothers face. I have a picture of them standing nose to nose. It means so much to her to have that connection. It is no threat to the parents she loves so deeply for raising her so well. Those are her parents, they always will be and we all recognize that. I don't know why others can't. They are ignoring such a huge part of their childs existance. a part that leaves them feeling different than everyone else. The part that leaves them feeling less than whole. Why would anyone want that for their children?

Eve said...

It must be confusing when an intelligent, multi-dimensional woman writes about adoption. I don't care how many mothers you think you have; I am writing about authentic mothering. A person can have one mother who never acts like a real mother; she can have a birth and adoptive mother who never act like real mothers; she can have had three mothers, only one or two of whom acted out of authentic love, and so on. I think if you had actually read what I wrote, rather than reacting, you'd see that this is exactly what I am saying rather than branding me as one of "those kids of adoptive parents."

Keep reading, if you have the stomach for it. I think you will admit you're mistaken about me after awhile, but even if you don't, I'll keep writing.

kimkim said...

I remember Eve writing this putrid posts about natural mothers which she has since deleted. I don't know about her being intelligent or multi-dimensional.... my experience has led me to find her highly dishonest and not to be taken seriously.

What's with all the photos of the lions on her post about you?

You have to laugh, did you get Bible quotes as well?

I guess it made a change from the cheesy photos of children on the last post.

You have to laugh.....

KITE KAMP GIRL said...

Can you imagine two lioness' fighting? That is how she went about it. She envisioned two lionesses fighting. I think we both came out of it a little more smart.