When I read this other story which I post below, it is interesting to know that this "outstanding" member of the NCFA is getting targeted by many in adoption now. It looks like the mothers, the fathers, and the adoptees are screaming loudly now.
Here is the comments concerning Bethany in various parts of the country:
Anonymous said:
Went to Bethany early in my pregnancy. Made it VERY clear, multiple times (before I even walked in the door, in fact) that I was not sure what I wanted to do--parenting or adoption--and that I needed help and information on both options. They promised to walk me through both options and help me no matter which I chose.
When I had attended several appointments and finally asked for help in putting together a parenting plan, finding community resources to help me parent, and so on, they refused.
They have refused to provide the life-long post-placement counseling they promised.
When I returned to them post-relinquishment and asked for information on support groups, books to help a post-relinquishment mother, etc., they could not provide me with a single resource... I ended up telling THEM about the closest CUB meeting. (And later found out they don't support CUB, anyway, because it's too radical... which is absurd--Google CUB.)
Bethany has individual people who do a good job, but the organization as a whole is corrupt, in my opinion. It is a huge supporter of the NCFA, which lobbies for closed records, closed adoptions, and which put out the booklet "Birth Mother, Good Mother" as a way to market infant adoption--to make women feel that in order to be good mothers, they need to relinquish their children.
Bethany's pamphlets and website alone should be enough to make people RUN in the other direction--there are lies and half-truths and pro-relinquishment spin all over the place. (Check out the "Options" pages on the Unplanned Pregnancy section of the website. Notice how under "Parenting," the NEGATIVES are listed first... and under "Adoption," the POSITIVES are listed first.) There is no mention that open adoptions aren't legally enforceable, either--website makes it sound like it's all up to the natural mom how much contact she has. And no mention of increased risk of depression, PTSD, substance abuse, etc etc after relinquishing a child. Basically... everything is whitewashed.
I could go on and on and on about individual horror stories, about the brainwashing and subtly coercive methods, but I'll stop and just say this:
No mother should relinquish her child through this agency--period. And no adoptive parent should adopt through this agency--period. Unless you are comfortable with a portion of your fees going to SUPPORT denying adoptees their original birth certificates and their own records--then do NOT use this agency, even if you have found an individual office that isn't too bad.
Broda3 said the following:
In 2002, I went through a divorce. After filing for the divorce, I found out my soon to be ex-wife was pregnant. In the divorce I was granted full custody of our 6 month old daughter. In October of 2002 I was contacted by a S/W at Bethany named Joy Valentine. She let me know that my ex was looking into an adoption, and as the legal father they would need my consent. I told them in person, on the phone, and in writing, NO! I allerted them to the fact that I had custody of the other child, and that I would be taking custody of this baby, and caring for him myself. I did say that if a DNA test disproved me to be the father that I would consider consenting at that point. There was a doubt to paternity. Infidelity was the reason for my filing for a divorce. However, I had cared for our daughter, and had every capability of being a father to my son. In January of 2003 my son was born. However I was never permitted to be in any part of his life.
Bethany simply figured that they would keep my name off of the birth certificate, place my son anyway, and deal with me post-placement. THEY WENT AHEAD AND PLACED MY SON FOR ADOPTION WITHOUT MY CONSENT! Ironically, the couple works in highly lucritive positions at the hospital where he was born and the birth certificate was filed fraudulently!
We later were able to find and prve a very elaborate scheme, that included two very unscrupulous wanna-be parents woman definitely has a bit of obsessive/compulsive disorder), a corrupt judge, and one horrible adoption agency! We were able to find out that my ex had been targeted and bullied into this placement. She was very confused, angry, and didn't fully understand what she was doing. These people, however, knew exactly what they were doing to her, my son, and in the end, even my daughter! Even though the law requires it here in Michigan, Bethany provided no post-placement counseling, the legal counseling, nothing. Everyone at Bethany was to concerned with the fact that they had two very wealthy people that obsessively wanted a baby, and were determined to do whatever that took and to anyone they had to. When everything went bad, they're official position (Bill Gallagher - FOX2 News), was that now that an adoption could not be completed, they were washing their hands of the whole thing, and were then calling it a "private" adoption. Mysteriously, the three S/W that were involved were very quickly transferred to other offices.
My son was put through 5 years of hell! These people tried to give him one name at birth, but that adoption aplication was found fraudulent by the state due to a clash of the aplication with my ex's name and our marraige certificate. When I contacted the state, not only did they immediately recognize my paternity due to this, but they allowed me to give him his official and legal name. When I filed in court for custody, I was given the run around for nearly a year. At one point I was ordered to pay THEM child support, and the order was for the name they had given him! I was ordered to pay support for a child that did not legally exist! Yet for three years (I saw my son three times in his first two years), he spent 3 1/2 days with his birth family and 3 1/2 days with these people. Out of animosity, they refused to call him by anything other than the name they tried to give him, even though he hated it, and the other three and a half days by his legal name. These people emotionally, and mentally abused my son. They tried to brainwash him that we were all no good. (other words were used!) A judge, upon meeting with him, had even determined he had been coached even for that meeting!
One of the things that just made me sick was that the woman had friends at the hospital where she worked, overload her on hormones so that her breasts could lactate. This 57 year old woman was breast feeding MY son! Where were my choices as his father? How could any of these people just sit back, do this, collect money, and not have any ramifications whatsoever!
These people and Bethany have committed fraud, perjury, and, most of all, kidnapping, and they are all going to get away with it. What a load of crap! I have NO sympathy for this couple. From day one they knew My daughter and I existed. Yet, they were so obsessed with having our child they were willing to do whatever it took to anyone they had to! They had money and were willing to fight. I believe they have spent close to $5 million trying to keep my son. What they could have done for children that needed it with that money makes me sick. My son had a family and didn't need these people! My feelings about the entire adoption system in this country are completely negative. What I have read about and seen, is disgusting. Some of you should really question who you are doing this for! Yourself? or a child that NEEDS a home? If it is for your own selfish desires and fullfilling your own needs than hang it up!
It took 5 years of court battles to bring my son home and have all of my children united and together. We are all very happy. This is where my son belongs. "Adoption was created so that children without homes could be provided with one. NOT, so that barren couples could be provided babys at anyones expense!" Jennifer Granholm
Bethany is just BAD! BAD! BAD! They have anhialated families left and right, and all in the name of the all mighty dollar. They couldn't care less who they trample on, even the children.
Many of the adoptive parents did not have anything better either to say:
We adopted a little girl through bethany services. I won't use the "Christian" in their name since they are primarily concerned with money and not with Jesus.
They treated our daughters birthmother like crap and like they were trying to sell a perfect caucasian baby. They refused to give her counseling after the baby was six weeks old, even though we paid for lifetime post-placement counseling.
They have denied many women I know this same thing. They also are the largest funders of the NCFA which proposes that women who place their babies for adoption don't love their children.
Jesus has no place in their agency, at all.
Another one said the following:
We live in a community with a Bethany office and no other agencies. We drove 2 hours away to use another agency. Bethany's office was very disorganized. When I called for information, they enrolled me in a class on foster parenting without my knowledge. When I did not attend, they were very angry with me. I was not interested in becoming a foster parent. I also don't care for how vague all their information is about cost. If I am going to be ask to spend that amount of money for an adoption, I want to know why costs that much. I don't mind paying for real costs but I do mind paying for other programs. We ended up adopting from S.Korea and paying much more than Bethany charges but our agency could account for everything.Even another had this to say:
I adopted a Russian special needs toddler from an adoptive family that was unable to keep him due to his needs. Bethany placed the child in my care as a foster placement. Soon I decided I would like to adopt him, but this information was never given to the adoptive family. They were continually told that they had leads, but no family had yet said they were interested. Unwilling to leave the baby in foster care indefinitely, and not knowing about my interest, they asked Bethany to return the child to their home until a suitable family could be found. Bethany then threatened (and did) to turn them into social services and take away their biological daughter. The family sought legal advise and, through their attorney, were able to have the baby returned to them. Social services found absolutely nothing wrong and questioned the complaint. I was able to talk with the parents when bringing the child back to them. Apparently Bethany had not only been lying to them about prospective families, but about results of medical tests, etc. while the child was in my care. In the end we became good friends and I successfully adopted the baby privately. While our story had a happy ending, Bethany, at least in Nashville, can not be trusted to uphold ethical adoption practices. I am thankful that my son's first family had the spirit to put his needs first and fight for him. It seems as though the money Bethany was receiving for having a special needs child in their care was more important than finding him a home. Adoptive parents and birthmothers, please beware.
Here is another horror story.
We used Bethany to complete a domestic adoption of an infant, special needs. It should have taken 2 mos to complete the paperwork, it took 18 mos. They lied to us about what was refundable and not, and did not complete paperwork correctly. We ended up with a $1.5 million dollar medical bill for the child while he was still technically a foster child, and had to do a bankruptcy. We should never have been responsible for that medical bill, a lot of it was from before we even met him! We tried to complete a second adoption and they placed 2 children in our home who were RAD and they did not disclose the reports of sexual abuse and rape from previous foster homes. They changed records (we saw several copies of files which were all different). The head honcho in MI is a slimy used-car salesmean. These people are in it for money and not for the children. I would tell anyone to run far and fast from this agency!!! There is no accountability from satellite offices and there is no oversight anywhere.
Money money everywhere but only for them is all they see.
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