Thursday, September 11, 2008


How do we do make effective changes in both adoption and abortion that are good for both women and children? This has been an issue twirling in my head for the last few weeks. I have spoken with some friends on both sides of the fence. Do we repeal or keep Roe vs. Wade and others like it? Is this bringing religious morality into government rule? I look at it in that manner. So what if this issue was brought to a vote by the people of the United States? Would abortion and contraception pass? I would like to think it would. Does the government have the right to interfere with sex lives of human beings? This is the ultimate issue. I have tried very hard to teach both of my children that sex is normal and healthy for humanity. Its difficult to teach that when society, television, our family and friends different views, and other situations contradict the normalcy of sex. I don't want my daughters to be ashamed of their bodies. Societal opinions and views are still proprietary over women's bodies. Society is also the same way over children. I see the pro choice groups abandoning children before birth. I see pro life groups abandoning children after birth. The unborn child has more rights than the born child. I feel that NOW has abandoned women who have chosen to be mothers and wives. The Democrats have taken the side of NOW and the pro choice groups. The Republicans have taken the side of the prolife groups. That leaves women like me caught in the middle.

While growing up, my adoptive mother explained the facts of life. She also told me that anytime that I wanted to have sex that I was to tell her. I waited until I was 19. I had my first pap smear and female exam before I ever had sex. That was not fun. That was one of the more painful moments of my life. I was on birth control for years. I controlled my own sexuality. I believed that. I had gotten off the birth control when I was thirty. I felt that my body needed a break. Three months later I was pregnant. I was not married. I was in love with a man who returned that love. I was reluctant to get married. HE put his foot down. I either had to piss or get off the pot. So I did. Its been very rewarding yet challenging relationship. Our daughter was born six months after our marriage. I got foodstamps, WIC, and medicaid. My caseworker never gave me any hassle. She was tickled pink for us. She in fact encouraged me to do these things. The same happened with my youngest child. After my second child, I wanted my tubes tied. I had spoken with my doctor about it. He even asked me if I was sure after my youngest was delivered via c-section. I was very sure. Two weeks after I delivered my first daughter, I went in for our check up. The nurse force fed me birth control pills. I lost my breast milk with in twenty four hours. I was not given the choice of continuing breast feeding my daughter. Of course their reasoning was that I was on welfare. With my second daughter, my tubes were tied and wasn't an issue. I was working at the time so I felt breast feeding was not a good option. I wanted my daughter on soy milk because my oldest had an issue with regular formula. She was allergic to milk. I did not find out that was an issue for my side of the family until two years later when I got the first batch of my non identifying information. My natural mother was allergic to milk but had outgrown it. My husband side of the family had serious issues with it as well. So it made sense. Just a year ago, I had a hysterectomy because I was beginning to have serious health issues. As you can see I made choices for my own reproductive health but I ultimately still did not have all my choices acknowledged. Much of that was because I was poor.

Imagine if this was changed for women. Imagine Roe vs. Wade gets overturned. Imagine Griswold vs. Connecticut and the many others get overturned. My children would not have the same choices as I had. Do I want my daughters targeted as I might have been? No I don't.

What these organizations fail to realize is that for most women adoption or abortion is the most difficult decision that she will ever make. It is not a matter of getting rid of a child. Its about not having any options. Its about not being told what those options are. A dear friend told me that women who relinquish and women who abort face many of the same issues through out their lives. One of the key factors in this type of scenerio is the woman's parents. If it is a young teen, there is a great deal of pressure. Pressure that she can't help but cave to. I just spoke with a young mother who this happened to three years ago. She was forced to make one of two decisions: abort or place. Tough decision for a young girl to make.

We have to make changes in our society. No woman owes another woman her child. I have heard some adoptive parents actually state, "If all those women who abort could have placed, then there would be no need for abortion. There are so many families who want a child." Ugh thank you. I love being traded to another family without my consent. I don't like being forced to solve the emotional problems of adoptive parents. Before we change abortion laws, we need to change adoption. Maybe the government needs to talk with adoptees about what changes we would like to see to make adoption better. I think the government should speak with the mothers of the past. I don't want my daughters targeted because I am adopted. The adoption industry wants the female adoptees to feel good about adoption. So that they too can place. Adoptees have a higher rate of relinquishing that other females.

Adoption is not the answer to abortion. Abortion is not the answer to adoption. Parenting is one of the best possible solutions for all involved. We as a country need to encourage it a whole lot more.

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