I DON'T GET IT

Okay we have calls for Bristol to relinquish. We have stories of adoptive parents being screwed over. We have stories of natural parents being screwed over. We also have stories of adoptees being screwed over. I just don't get it. It really bothers me. I came upon an article in the National Catholic Register. There is an implication of being the bad seed. That irritates me in that article. However she makes a valid point on maintaining parental relationships first instead of splitting them as our country has a long history of making. Today many adoptive parents and religious organizations are encouraging young girls to twenty something women to relinquish. I am sure that she has read that report by the Catholics in this particular topic. Instead of trying to rip families apart, we should support families so that they can get on their feet. I agree with that philosophy.

Here is the response from a foster care adoptive parent:

My letter to NCR reads in part:

No child is adopted as a “clean slate.” Any number of difficulties — both genetic and environmental, including those that led to the child being “in the system” in the first place — made an indelible mark on that child long before he was adopted.

It is true that adopted children grieve the loss of their birth parents, and that part of our job as adoptive parents is to help them work through their grief. But to blame the act of adoption itself is simply wrongheaded.

Just as two people participate with God in the act of creation when they come together as man and wife to produce a child, so through adoption we have an opportunity to participation in the REDEMPTION of that child. It is not always an easy road, and like all parents we make our share of mistakes. But there is ample grace as well.

My comment in response and I don't expect it to be published:

"I may not blame the act of adoption. I do however blame the secrecy behind adoption. I commend you for adopting from foster care but that does not make you a savior for a child. That is one myth that needs to stop. It sets up the child to be “eternally grateful” for having been adopted. We adoptees did not make the choice of adoption. It was made for us. Why should we be grateful for the actions of adults?"

Another friend of mine also presented another point of view. This blogger should really seperate the foster care adoption from domestic infant adoption. They are two very different animals.