YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU WEREN'T ABORTED.
Words that came out of the mouth and brain of a now former dear friend. Get this she is the wife of an adoptee (who is in reunion). She also accused me of being jealous of her husband. I am thrilled when adoptee beats the system of secrets and lies. She is also a webmaster and a former paralegal student. If by chance she actually reads this, I am going to make it clear to her and others how I really feel about adoption. By diminishing me she also diminished her husband who is a very good man. Too bad she doesn't realize it.
YES I DO SOMETIMES WISH THAT I HAD BEEN ABORTED.
Then maybe I would have been born to my parents. I would not have had to deal with the fact that I was thrown away by my "first" not once but twice. I would not have had to deal with the fact that I was a pawn my "first" mother used against my birth father. She used me to get my birth father to try and leave his wife. When that failed, she cast me totally aside like I was trash no longer useful to her ambitions and desires. Being a girl child, I was even more useless to her. Her boys have better value than me.
DON'T TELL ME THAT I OUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE PARENTS THAT I HAVE.
I am very happy with my adoptive family. We have our share of problems but we do alright. My search is not about them. My search is about me and discovering who I am. My search is about my identity and about my life. It is no reflection on anyone else. So leave my family out of it
4 comments:
What an incredibly powerful post!
You have an absolute right to define YOUR own experience in adoption, and in my opinion---you do it admirably.
On one side, adoptees have the do-bees telling us how "grateful" we should be that someone was willing to take us "throwaways" into their homes. They don't ever take into consideration that it was a galactical crap-shoot.
We weren't blank slates that could be matched with hair and eye color. With all the adopters lining up, maybe some other home would have been better suited.
On the other hand, there are the don't-bees who are telling adoptees that we're wearing "Nazi garb" if we've actually had a good adoptive experience with our families. We're traitors to our "real" families...the ones who discarded us for whatever reason.
Maybe some day adoptees will be able to throw off the mantle of "favorite chew toy" and actually be granted a voice at the adult table.
You've got a great voice, Amy. Thanks for using it.
Bravo, Amy. Thank you for saying exactly what you think, for sharing your adoption experience exactly as it is.
Keep that strong voice going!
galactical crap-shoot.....Atilla you crack me up!!!!
Right ON Amy!!! You are absolutely correct on all counts. Atilla's right on the money too, we DO deserve to sit at the grown up's table and YOU are deserving of your feelings without anyone trying to white-wash them.
Rock on girlfriend.
That is absolutely disgusting that a "friend" would say that to you.
My retort to this line of crap is "Are YOU grateful that YOU weren't aborted?"
Barf.
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