Just when I think it can't get worse, it does. I wonder if all the words that I state, all the statistics that I quote, and every thing makes a dent with anyone in adoption. I had the sad misfortune of reading something very very vile. I wanted to immediately take a bath. I was fuming that I had to calm down first before writing anything.
One prospective adoptive parent wrote about losing her referral:
In any case, I was horrified to find out that this even COULD happen! Heck, no birth-mamma-drama was a huge part of my decision to go with international vs domestic adoption! And silly me, after hearing all this talk of the birth mother having signed away her rights, I figured she'd, oh, signed away her rights
Another adoptive parent wrote in her support:
The difference between IA and domestic, however, is that once this is a done deal, it's a done deal. The documents are sealed after court and you'll never have to worry about hearing from them. At least that is my understanding.
Where this was written sent everyone in a fury. It was offensive to both adoptees and natural parents. It boggles the mind that anyone would say either of these things. The first person also has the "gall" to call the natural mother in this case "Mommie Dearest." I thought that was originally used to describe an adoptive mother, Joan Crawford. Joan Crawford's adopted children were also Georgia Tann babes. Ironic that someone would use that to describe a natural mother.
I do understand that this woman was hurt by the loss of her referral. That can be painful. So is the loss of one's parental rights and one's heritage in the signing of the pen just to satisfy the needs of an adult who thinks she is entitled. Attitudes such as these are what keep records closed.