Thursday, January 31, 2008


No she hasn't contacted me. I did get lucky in another way. I got an email from the Executive Director of adoption agency here in Texas. Keep in mind I have gotten hits on blog, courtesy of sitemeter, from all kinds of adoption agencies. Folks from LDS, Holt International, and many others. I know they hate me. To be honest, I flat out do not care. These agencies give both agencies and the adoptive parents that use them a real bad name. They are the reasons why people in the adoption reform movement work so hard to change things. Most of these agencies are member agencies of the National Council for Adoption. We all know that I hate them. I digress.

I fully understand the adoptee side of things. I fully sympathesize the natural parent side of things. I see where folks have been hurt. I have decided to at least try to understand the adoptive parent side. A friend brought up open adoption just as I got this email. I have read Nicole's blog and Ms. Hatfield's blog. Both are very courageous women. Even though I am sure that open adoption has hurt these women, I commend them for their strength and fortitude. I have read the adoptive parents who have open adoptions. As a closed adoptee, I would have preferred an open adoption. I think if adoption is necessary and fully consented to, open adoption is the only way to go. An adopted individual is the product of nature and nurture. Both sides in that person should be recognized. Adoption is not going to go away. I know that. Adoption as it stands now however needs massive reform. It is not about finding a child for a family. It is however finding a family for a child.

Well this honestly incredible woman contacted me. I have told her that I am still expecting the ax to fall on my neck. She however put her money where her mouth and finger tips were. I joined this agency's online community. I tried emailing Ms. Jurenovich a couple of times. I just couldn't write anything. After I joined, I read the forums. Adoptive parents and natural parents both writing in this little forum community. Both writing from the gut and doing it honestly. The board of directors and the executive director frequent this forum. Bethany and this place is not. As I cruised their website, yep there were things that triggered. The money part always bothers me. They only do open adoptions. I was told that the number of adoptive parents that have backed out of an open adoption were counted on one hand. There was one natural mother who was dealing with an open then shut adoption. This group including adoptive parents supported this woman totally and fully. That impressed me. The website itself was interesting read. They fully disclose that open adoptions are not legally enforceable in Texas but this agency does everything it can to make sure that the adoptive and natural parents are equally matched. If the agency suspects that an adoptive parent doesn't want an open adoption, they shut the adoption pretty much down and recommend another agency. This is what I read all over the website and on the forum itself. They are looking into counseling for post adoption support for the entire family, adoptee, natural family, and adoptive family. This includes siblings.

This agency also fully supports adoptee access. The adoptive parents from this agency also fully support this. In fact the director of this agency in an older post said that instead of an OBC we should have a birth certificate that has all names on it. The only person that I have heard say this is another blogger friend, Mirah Riben. To see these words from an agency director completely blew my mind. If I were to recommend any adoption agency, it would be this one.

In our society, adoption is going to exist. If we as group are going to change it in society, then we as a group must unify to change things. Personally I could never give my child up. Personally I could not have an abortion. I understand the women and men that must make these decisions though. They have my compassion and love. I would walk along side of her to listen, to hold, to cry with, to laugh with and maybe just maybe offer a little healing. All I want of adoption is that it is ethical and that its done in the best interest of the child. Not in the eyes of the state or the adoption agency but in those living adoption especially the adopted person.

It irritates and hurts when I try to do the right thing for others just to have them shoot me down. These are folks who I do consider friends. I want to make it right for all. I don't want to sell out mothers period. I don't want to sell out adoptees. If I can help make it a better place, then by God I will.

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