Monday, July 14, 2008


This is not aimed at anyone in particular. I am just saying, you know what I mean? I am someone who intensely dislikes adoption as it is practiced in the United States. Society and our government treats adoptees, natural parents, and adoptive parents separately under the law. Separate is not equal.In my last post, did anyone pay attention to the numbers in the post about the adoption agencies that practice in Russia? $100,000,000 at a minimum and this is just one country and 22 adoption agencies. I wonder what the numbers are for the other countries and the agencies. That post took me three days to research and write up. I went to the agency websites,, and just basically googled the agency.

A friend of mine recently mentioned that she had no sympathy for the new and upcoming prospective adoptive parents. Honestly I don't either. There are bloggers all over the place including adoptive parents saying that the system is messed up. I read a new friend's book recently. I promise that I will finish it up tonight and report back to you on it (I know that she reads here). One of the things that I noticed with her research was that the laws reflected those who profited from adoption. Those that live adoption want them changed. Those living adoption are adoptees, natural parents and adoptive parents. I was floored when I read that. This research doesn't reflect all adoptive parents. The ones that profit off adoption have the power and the money. Who gives them this power and money? Adoptive parents. In this aspect, adoptive parents are culpable in the actions of adoption agencies and attorneys.

I don't want to be so harsh on adoptive parents but it is the sad truth. As I research more and more into the industry itself, it doesn't care about adoptees because we are mere merchandise to be trafficked. It doesn't care about the natural parents because they are mere producers of a product. It doesn't care about its consumers because they consider stupid fools. I have looked at the applications from the agencies from Russia. An adoptive parent must sign these things. I would not sign something like this if I purchasing a car or refrigerator. I have heard enough stories where adoptive parents have spoken out only to be blackballed by the industry. The industry likes it when we fight amongst ourselves. We can't get it together enough to fight back.

I may not understand the pain of infertility. I know personally that I could never adopt because I don't want what has been done to me to be done to another child. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child. I hope that I never do. I do however understand and feel compassion for both sides of the fence.

So many adopters adopt from other countries. Those children over there are in just as bad condition as our American children. We choose to ignore our American children who are true orphans. I know that the foster care system isn't any better. The adoption industry is making money on that end as well. Its at least five billion dollars. This doesn't include the tax breaks adoptive parents receive, the medicaid that is spent on natural parents and on adoptees who are special needs.

Here I am trying to make a point. All I get is that someone doesn't like my tone of my blog. When you see people get hurt by the industry, then you might understand why I am so angry at a system that doesn't work. I have listen to mothers crying because they changed their minds. I have heard the despair of fathers who have lost their children to an unscrupulous system. I have listened to adoptees who are lost in between adopters and natural parents who can't get their act together to be the parents that they are supposed to be. I have read and written to adopters who have been screwed over by a system that is supposed to be on the up and up.

Its time to change the direction of that pain and anger. Lets turn it on them, the industry. Make them change.


Eve said...

Amy, for over 30 years activists have been trying to turn their energy against the industry; the NCFA is still alive and well, them and their ilk. This is because even though child trafficking is legally wrong, it is completely legal to charge "fees." There's no meaningful federal oversight of adoption, and I believe (with you--I think you said this last week) that only having outside pressure such as other countries kicking the U.S. adoption agencies out of their countries, will ultimately cause change.

Our foster care system does not work, either. Every year, another state is sued by or on behalf of its foster children; most recently, I think of Florida and Oklahoma. It has been Michigan and California, Texas and I don't remember how many others. Probably most. We see changes, and then a new administration comes in every four years, appoints its cronies in HHS and child welfare, and they grind the people down by means of administrative rules that have the force of law.

I like your tone on your blog. Systems are mindless, lumbering beasts and adoption is practiced in the U.S. inside a large system.

I've been thinking about what will make the industry change for over 20 years now, and I still do not have an answer. I know that what people have been doing hasn't worked. What new thing could be done, then?

Amyadoptee said...

I have been thinking about that. We have to come up with a workable solution. What that solution would be is something that I just don't know.

Adoptee access is a start but it still won't change things.Longer revocation periods would help but the agencies would figure something around it. They do that with the fathers now. Fathers have a thirty day period in Texas. I know of three fathers fighting here. One of them is probably going to have to go to the Texas Supreme Court. I heard a story about Gladney through the rumor mill. There was a father who contested. They dropped it. They returned the child. I know shock of all shocks. I think sometimes binding open adoption agreements would work but just as there are adopters who back out so do the natural parents. One adoption agency director that I spoke with said that she was adding natural parent post adoption counseling. I know that she already does it for even the mothers from another agency. I have spoken with several of their mothers.

These other countries won't kick the United States adoption agencies out because of the money. People who are not adopted related are always surprised when I tell them that we adoptees can't have access to their information. Spoke to someone this weekend about it.

I think if an agency gets federal funds that they should not be able to lobby against adoptees and their families. They are using our tax dollars against us.

Just some things off the top of my head.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for voting ! Please ask your representive's to vote against this bill.
S. 3038, The Improved Adoption Incentives and Relative Guardianship Support Act of 2008
http://www.washingt bills/show/ 110_SN_3038. html
This bill goes back up for a vote in September 2008.
And is for the U.S.A