Friday, January 02, 2009


I am trying to understand why prospective adoptive parents want to go the international route. I do understand wanting a child. I do not condemn adoptive parents for this issue. Some PAPs are very frustrated with the foster care system in the United States. That is understandable. It is bad system that doesn't even protect the kids.

There were five listed on this site that I visited when I asked Google to search this question for me. The author of this blog posted these responses and I am quoting her post on this:

  • In domestic adoptions, a percentage of birth parents change their mind at the last minute and decide to parent. They don’t want to take that risk.
  • When parents adopt internationally, as soon as they receive their “referral” or are “matched” with a child, they become emotionally attached to that child. They know that that same emotional attachment would occur if they were to meet a birth parent(s) in a domestic adoption. International adoption guarantees more of a “sure thing” than does domestic adoption.
  • They fear that in a domestic adoption, a birth parent(s) might show up years down the line and demand their child back.
  • During the domestic adoption process, parents wishing to adopt write a “Dear Birth parent” letter which pits them in “competition” against other potential adoptive parents. They don’t have to join the “my family’s better than yours” competition.
  • There are millions of children, already born, who need families. Granted, there are hundreds of thousands of children in the U.S. waiting for families. But the U.S. system doesn’t feel “trustworthy” in providing “safe transitions” from foster care to permanent homes.
  • It’s difficult to find a child who is “legally free” for adoption via the U.S. system.
  • They want to travel to adopt a child, and traveling overseas is an ideal way to see more of the world, become acquainted with their child’s country of origin and to bring home a child.
Most of these I do understand. The competition thing can feel nasty. Fighting the foster care system is a pain and untrustworthy. However I am stumped at the mother thing. I wonder how many of these parents really think about what they are doing. You would not be a parent if it were not for these relinquishing mothers. It doesn't matter which part of the world that you are in. I am uncomfortable with the realization that I am someone's property. As an adoptee, I do not feel free as an American citizen. Adoption does that to adoptee. We often feel like chattel for our parents.

I am a parent now. I do not look at my daughters as property. They are God's gift to me. They are not my possessions. With those sentiments being state above, it appears that PAPs want to be saviors and owners. I have spoken with several adoptive parents. Many of whom get the bigger picture now. I see adoption as it is currently practiced as hurting more than helping children. This is for international adoption and domestic infant adoption. I am not including foster care into this equation. Those are the children that need help and need families but I do understand that the foster care system does not make it easy.

In adoption, it seems to be that no one thinks beyond what they need or want. That defines what entitlement is in adoption. The best interests of the child is to have his/her information to do with as they see fit upon adulthood. In fact, I think its because of this issue that we are having so many problems with adoption today.

This is going to be hard to swallow but there is no other way to say it. Because of adoptive parent fears, records are sealed. Because of these fears, adoption has been shrouded in secrecy and lies. Because of that, adoption corruption has been allowed to grow into monstrous and disastrous proportions.

The myth of "birthmother" privacy has been allowed to get out of control. Its ironic now because the mothers of the past do not want anyone speaking for them but themselves. Yet the adoption industry continues with this fallacy. The adoption industry also continues to push these "birthmother" fears with the adoptive parents. They let them persevere.

Because of their actions, adoptees and their families are treated like we can not be competent enough to handle our affairs. It is everyone else's fears that control this. It is ridiculous. I can not comprehend this stupidity.

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