Friday, February 03, 2006


Sorry everyone I have been so busy with switching to shift work, taking my mental health worker certification class, and constant phone calls to Katrina up in Indiana. This past Monday, I was read my entire adoption file without names. Its a wicked web that we weave type of thing. Shocking and scary. On Tuesday, my bmom contacted the agency. She was still freaking pretty badly. She initially wanted the pics and letter that I sent and then she changed her mind again. She then asked if I could end up hiring a private detective, hunting her down, and showing up on her front porch. Katrina in her wisdom told her "yep she could." This is now getting ironic and funny. I have decided to kick back and enjoy the ride. I am actually enjoying the status quo.

I am a regular visitor at the Courttv message boards. Almost every week there is something about abortions on there. The Religious Right groupies are always on there. It is amazing to me that no one really gets what is going on here. In order to discuss abortion, you need to discuss the other end of the spectrum adoption. The argument always comes down to whether a woman is a slut or not if she has sex. Explain that one to me. Lord knows I don't understand. Having sex is a normal function in life. Men are glorified if they have it and women are denigrated if they have it.

When there is 500,000 foster children out there, why are people being allowed to adopt outside this country? I got an email from a friend in the Concerned United Birthmother group. Somehow they got a copy of a National Council for Adoption e memo. This is one of the many cronies that want closed adoptions. They even say that open adoptions cause more abortions. I recently ran across a study done on both issues. The reason why they climb in certain times and why they decrease in others is based solely on economics. Not one or the other. Maybe initially when the Roe vs. Wade law first came out but it is not the case now. What these clowns don't realize is that most parents want to know that their kids are safe and they most want to be found. They claim that open record laws violate privacy laws concerning birthmothers. Even my own birth mother wondered about me. Most of the time adoptees and birthmothers need each other to heal each other. Just like my own birthmother has issues which desparately need healing. I honestly feel that facing me might be the only way to do this for her. She was so hurt by all the damage her family did to her.

The NCFA actually advertised a new program from them and MBNA. They are actually advertising a line of credit up to $25,000 to help prospective adoptive parents. These people are also connected to the Gladney Adoption Center, Pat Robertson, and President Bush. Where does all this extra money go? I bet to certain republican parties and charities. They state adoptions run about $12,000 to $28,000. I know that is a crock because I know that Gladney charges upwards of $50,000 and more. They recommend financing yourself into the ground. My own adoption agency goes from $5,000 and upwards. They have a sliding scale.

I don't believe bashing adoptive parents is the answer. There is some good and some bad. I think that if we as adoptees, birth parents, and good adoptive parents got together and worked on informing people. We need to put stories out there that are helpful to all sides of the triad. I honestly wish my birthmother had access to the CUB group. They would help her so much. We need to advertise the good, the bad and the ugly of the adoption mess. If everyone knew that adoption is just as bad at times as abortion, then maybe everyone would help change laws. If everyone in mainstream society could understand that we could make change happen. Adoptees and birth parents need to have their access to who they are. They need to be treated like human beings not commodities to be bought and sold.

We need to change the laws. We need to put the fundies in their place. They need to realize that their arguments are useless against ours.


Wraiths said...

have you checked out

The goal is to get stories from all sides and possibly get a book written with a set of stories showing different views (good, bad, search, rejection etc.)

Cookie said...

Amy, I think your decision to try to just kick back and play the waiting game is definitely the way to go. Timing is so crucial in reunions. I agree with you about CUB. It has helped me a great deal and I wish there were more chapters all over the country.

Just keep remembering that her reluctance is all about her fears and not about you. Hopefully, she will get over freaking out soon and let herself just feel.

KingCranky II said...


That is some EXCELLENT digging around for the numbers regarding MBNA

Outstanding work