Wednesday, March 29, 2006


SEARCH, SEARCH, AND SEARCH AGAIN. I have had just about all I can take from it all. Last night I felt like vomiting really vomiting. I actually went to bed early last night. My husband thought I was sick. He wanted to go to the doctor's office. He was so shocked. A friend from work wanted to walk me through my emotions. I just started crying. It hurts knowing that I am someone's dirty little secret.

I have I can be found at the site at least twice a day. I am constantly comparing it to things that I know or hope to be true. I think that most of the stuff in my adoption file is truth. I do have to wonder about the stuff that my bmom said to Katrina.

I have gotten tons of emails over the last week. I still feel the same things. That birthparents and adoptees owe each other one phone call. We owe each other truth and honesty. I think that closed adoption records should forever be abolished. The only exception in that is that if the adoptee is a minor. This search stuff belongs in the adult world. It takes an incredibly strong person to persevere in this mess. Again it is nothing against my own adoption search specialist. She was fantastic but all parties involved would have been better served if it had come from me or her. I also believe that the government needs to stay out of a person's sex and personal life. I am so sick of other groups shoving their moral agenda down my throat.

As far as search angels go, I have two of them. I am hoping one in particular will be reading this in the near future. She is from Bloomington, Indiana. She has also become a fast friend. God knows that she and a New Yorker friend have been real blessings to me along with the rest of the Adoption Triad crew. CUB and the rest of the other groups are in there too. They usually verify information that I have gotten via I am probably going to have to order another month of it just to get through all the information and names to figure this stuff out. If there is two things that I can recommend, One would be get and join the many adoptee and birthparent groups out there.

Another thing is that we all as a triad need to stop attacking each side in this. We are all an extended family. I do know that families fight but we need to show a united front in the legislation that is being passed. We also need to get as much support of groups like the Planned Parenthood, ACLU, and others that have involved themselves in our arguments for our rights. We are not demons or gods but humans just the same and as such deserve human rights afforded to all. You may not be for open adoption records but your child deserves to know the truth of his/her life. That goes for both adoptive parents and birthparents. Adoptees, you may not want to search, but your birthparents deserve to know that you are okay and alive. The world doesn't need to know the secrets we possess but we need to tell them to our families. We need to heal the wound that is in our hearts.

Amy Burt aka Michelin
daughter to Anne, Marilyn, Fed Ex dad, Dentist, and a truckdriver dad
sister to two brothers and four sisters
niece to many aunts and uncles
mother to two wonderful daughters
wife to one great cowboy
No longer wishing to be someone's dirty little secret


Marie said...

oh, but what about those of us who searched and ... the outcome was a huge letdown? how does that heal the wound in our hearts? my bmom died never knowing i lived beyond a couple years. i'm learning a lot from blogs like yours. thank you.

Amyadoptee said...

At that point you have friends, family members that do love you, and strangers like me and you that help each other heal the wounds. At some point we learn to love ourselves the way that our birthfamilies, adoptive families, friends, and the biggest birthfather of us all,God, all do. Without them, I know that I would have shriveled up and died. I hope that answers your question.

Unknown said...

Hope you get the information you want and deserve to have.

Mia said...

I totally agree that having other people speak for us can cause more damage than good. This happened in my case for sure.