Every day I get tons of emails from the various groups like Adoptionlatte, Eyes-Wide-Open, Chosen Babies, A_L_I_A, and Concerned United Birthparents. I do my best to read most of them. The last two weeks I have had my nose down to the grindstone to finish the grandfather lists. As I was finishing up this list, I realized that I haven't finished up everything yet. I still need to print two more lists to really complete this search. I will once this list is complete. At this time, I have gone through 5800 to 6000 names using Ancestry.com, obituaries, and the census to verify. I have a search critieria that helps to greatly reduce the number of possible names. I am right now at only twelve names out of that amount but I still have another 74 names to go through.
One of the things that I do to help me take a break from all this searching is read my emails and read other blogs that are out there. I think one day soon that I will need to do a humorous posting on being a mom and a wife. I probably should include one on being a pet owner as well. Animals and kids are life's greatest comedy skits. In fact I just saw the movie "Are We There Yet?" My family and I just died laughing with that one. It is a definite must see.
I honestly believe the search for our extended families is a search for ourselves. I have learned more about myself than I would have if she had just agreed to the meeting. It has also helped distract me from the emotional impact of doing my job. My job can be emotional distressing at times. It comes from both the patients (watching them leave) and the staff (watching them tear each other apart including myself)
Another thing that helps ease the pains of searching is watching life move on around me on the ranch. We have some interesting birds out here. It is always just wild watching life move along. These birds are fairly big black bodies with yellow heads. We didn't see them last year but they are here this year. I also read and crochet every chance I get.
Two topics that are fairly hot topics in the circles that I travel on the web are what we call ourselves and the motive behind our search. Adoptees call themselves adoptees. It makes logical sense. I have heard adoptive parents be called adopters and adoptrix. I find both of those words offensive. Adoptive parents are human too. They are victims as much as the other two parts of the triad. Something I don't understand is why we must attack each other. We are a group that is fighting for the same cause. Reform in adoption and access to original birth certificates. Fighting amongst ourselves is just tearing us apart not bring us together. Birthparents/natural parents/ original parents - so many names that all mean the same thing. I don't consider any of these names detrimental. CUB had this discussion recently. To many of them, it doesn't really seem to matter. They just don't want this calling of names to interfere with what they see as their mission which is to reform adoption and gain access to original birth certificates. I also don't consider either set of parents breeders.
As far as the need to search, I can only speak for myself. I have explored many aspects of my life in the effort to completely understand myself. The one area that I haven't explored is my adoption. I would have never been ready at a younger age. This search process requires a certain maturity that I am still not sure I have. It is hard work, requiring time, emotions, and both street and book smarts. Am I stronger? Yes I can face rejection better. I have a thicker skin because of my search. I can finally say that I have completed something totally. I have learned more and have become more compassionate because of my new found friends. Yes even though my birthmother rejected me again, I still love her unconditionally. I appreciate my own mother even more. I also appreciate my sisters and the rest of my family. I have long since realized that I have a huge family. I love all of them so much even the ones that don't know me or realize that I am still around. Everyone in the triad needs to have compassion for each other. There is an expression united we stand divided we fall. That really applies here. So lets unite.