Sunday, May 14, 2006


I found out that yesterday was Birthmother's day. With Today being Mother's day, I figured I would make a weekend thing of it. This weekend is dedicated to all the women in the world who are mothers. I got this line from a email that I received. "At Every Child's Birth, A Mother Is Born." So true. This email also included a poem. I will post that as well. Along my search I have met many many wonderful people. To them and my family especially my Mom, I wish you the very best weekend filled with life, love and joy. I wish you peace and love. I also wish you happiness.

Today we are celebrating and honoring birthmothers - mothers who are
accounted for by anonymous statistics, secrecy and silence. Mothers whose stories are part of the unrecorded history of women. Their motherhood was regarded as a mistake to be hidden, and their children were sent away and made strangers..

Not every birthmother was unmarried at the time she lost her child, and some who have more recently surrendered their childen may be less burdened by the secrecy of the past.

But we all have experienced the loss of our children.

Yet, in the national celebration of Mother's Day we will not be named or remembered. As mothers of relinquished sons and daughters, out motherhood is ignored by our families, the community and even by some of those who recieved their children through our loss.

For the most of us, it has been a day of invisibility, isolation and hidden grief.

Several years ago a group of birthmothers from the Children's Home Society birthparent support groupd decided to change that isolation. We decided to celebrate our otherhood, a celebration denied to most of us at the time of our child's birth.

We decided to create a day of our own. We claimed the eve of Mother's Day to be our day of recognition. We named it Birthmother's Day. This day seemed especially appropriate because our motherhood comes before and foreshadows the motherhood of another. Our intention was not to detract from those who are parenting children but rather to find a way to include ourselves and our experiences among those who are honored as mothers.

We are taking the risk of stepping forward to share our experience. We name ourselves mothers. We break the silence and promote healing and reconciliation. We reconcile with our children, our families, the adoptive parents. Most importantly, we reconcile ourselves.

Breaking the silence!
by Mary Jean Marsh.

On the Eve Of Mother's Day
the Birthmothers have gathered together.
We who lost children
gather to honor one another
and to remember the hard path of this journey.
To those who raise praises
of our unselfishness
and sing the virtuess of adoption-
We say
"Be still and listen."
We ask you to remember what was done to us
in the name of what's best
We are the mothers
for whom there was no welcome
from our families and communities
We are the mothers who were expelled from our schools
and fired from our jobs.
Who were sent away
to strangers or distant relatives-
hidden from view in our parent's house,
and locked up in "Homes"
for the crime of becoming mothers
We are the mothers
who were signed into maternity wards under false names.
who labored alone,
or were drugged for our deliveries-
We were not permitted to see or to hold
our newborn child
because our being was shameful
We are the mothers whose youth or poverty
whose fear and shame
forced our decision
Who signed papters falsely explaned to us
or were handed a pen
within hours of child's birth
We are the family that was dismembered
to make another family possible
We were told our childen were better off with strangers
and would not notice our absence.
Our childless counselors
and the cleibate priests,
and those married with children siad-
"go on with your life." "Forget." "It is best."
"Time will heal." "You will have other children."
And turning away
tehy spoke only of the joy
of those who received our children
as though it was now the only story.

They left us sealed records
and searing memories
we lived in silence and pain so terrible
it stoll our voices.
We lived in silence
so insufferable it has cracked of its own weight
Now we find one another
we find our children
we find ourselves
No longer will we be spoken for
by those who led us to the wilderness
and left us there.
The silence breaks and slowly the world changes.
If things are different now for the new mothers
who join our number-
It is because of what the older sisters suffered,
and the ways it marked and haunted their lives,
and the lives of their children
Losing a child is still a wilderness.
and each mother makes the journey alone.
Today we honor this journey in one another
We reclaim our joy in the birth of our children
We honor our love and our connection to them,
which ink and paper do not sever.
We name ourselves Mothers-
Mothers of sons and daughters
Mothers of mothers and fathers
This day we tell our stories without shame
We honor one another and we honor ourselves saying
Blessed be the Birthmothers! Blessed Be!

To all the wonderful MOMS in my life, May God bless you with all the love you need and want. To my Mom, I love you MOMMA. To my sisters, I love you so very much. To my Mother In Law- Love you too Thanks for all your love and support.

Amy Adoptee
Mother Daughter Sister

1 comment:

34quinn said...

HI , I saw your comment on attila the moms blog. Decided to pop over and have a look.

Nice to meet you.
I am new to blogging , my first post was because of the ups and downs of being an adopted person dealing with the trials and tribulations of reunion stuff.

I will bookmark your site I will certainly learn alot and always happy to learn, help or educate myself.

I deffinately understand their are always 3 sides to every adoption story.