Thursday, July 06, 2006


As I read adoption laws across the country, I continually stunned at the way that adoptees are treated. Recently I read on a blog of a friend of mine that California doesn't view adoptees as being parties to their own adoption. Gee Whiz it is about us and we still have to ask our adoptive moms and dads to request our records in order to see them. WE are adults and we have to ask permission for records that record our birth. Only in adoption is that totally screwy. Adoption is not about the child but about needy adults and money hungry adoption agencies, lawyers, and social workers. No where is it written that privacy was a guarantee. This is something that certain groups have placed upon us. Why is it when 99% of birthparents in two open states can't be heard and acknowledged? Its only the one percent is heard. Yet 99% of the triad population is continually ignored. Again only in adoption. Indiana was like that about ten years ago. They changed the laws but they are a prospective only. The screwy part of their law is that the birthmother owns the records. If the birthparents weren't married, everything is under the birthmother. The birthfather is just the supposed father, therefore he has no rights and neither does the adoptee. They can't make contact via the adoption agency. We could all be listed on the passive registry and will never be able to make contact because of the birthmother. So here I am trying to find my birthmother and getting nowhere. I can deal with the fact she doesn't want to talk to me but shutting me away from my birthfather's life is not fair to me, him, and his daughter. Her choice even affects my brothers and their right to choose. She even refers to me as "that baby" or "that girl." News flash !!!! I am all grown up.

In every other aspect of society I am an adult. Sometimes I feel like saying since you view me as a permanent child I guess I won't pay taxes. I remember a quote from the movie "Bad Girls." I was nothing before I was married, I was nothing after I was married, I was nothing as a widow, but I have value as a whore. If your laws don't include me, then they don't apply to me. Wouldn't that be funny? The law would be on my butt lickety split. Its a shame that I couldn't do it. Just to make my point loud and clear. In adoption the laws don't include everyone. They just for the most part include the adoption agency and the adoptive parents. They always forget the rest of us. When it comes the adoptees we are the ones that are the child always the child.


Marie said...

If your laws don't include me, then they don't apply to me.

Oooooooooh, I like that. The hypocrisy is so blatant. Always it's the self-aggrandizing ones, the ones with the money who get to pretend and manipulate and benefit.

I remember my naunt, when I first met her in 2004, referred to me as "the baby," even though I was an adult. Your post clarifies why. But she wouldn't have known what to call me anyway, since her sister relinquished me at three days old. My aunt was the only living relative who even knew of my existence. But now she's dead and no one else gives a damn. Now it's just the state that regards me as a baby.

But I found my relatives in spite of their rigid, archaic laws. Now I don't have to wonder any more; now I just ache from being doubly rejected. Still, I don't regret my efforts.

Amyadoptee said...

marie that is what i am afraid of is that everyone will be dead by the time my records do get opened up. I had a birthfather who wanted me and my birthmother refused. He is 78 years of age. I worry each day. I could handle her rejection if she would just allow me to find him. I feel like she is punishing him through me. Yes sometimes it just about kills me. I still get up and put one foot infront of the other. Its the only thing that I know how to do.

Unknown said...

Amy- I don't feel I should have to pay taxes-

Wasn't that this country's reason for going into war, "No taxation without representation"

Of course am still paying taxes.

Still chaps my hide