What is in a word or a name that makes people so self defensive? Why is that birthmother, first mother, natural mother, and biological mother are terms that set people on fire? I can tell you from my experience that my birthmother doesn't deserve any of the terms. How I feel about her is something that doesn't need to be discussed right now. She got away with her secret for now. God doesn't like secrets. I have known that one for years now. It is a shame that she doesn't but again not the reason why I am writing.
I was talking to my CI just a short time ago. She is an adoptive mother. She doesn't like natural mother. It makes her unnatural. I can see that one. Makes logical sense. First mother I don't like because in my mind I only have one mother and that is my adoptive mother. She is the one that raised me, changed my diapers, wiped my tears, spanked me when I was wrong, and laughed at things we shared in life. All of it. She encouraged me to searched. She feels bad that I got hurt in this. Its not her fault. That is why I take offense at words like "adopters/adoptress/arents. She tried so hard. She took my rage when my rage wasn't even aimed at her. She took my pain and helped me try to heal although I am a long way from it.
That leaves the other two names. Birthmother because she gave birth to me. Biological because I have her genetics even though I wonder about that. I have hudspah where she doesn't. To me either one would work. My situation is different. She isn't one of those that fights for the rights of adoptees and birthparents. I am a secret that she wants to keep buried. She doesn't care if I hurt. I represent all her mistakes. Instead of owning up to them, she dumps them on me. The one term that everyone hates "birther" is one that fits her to a T. I have been patient, kind and compassionate but she hasn't returned the favor. So pardon me if I don't return the favor anymore.
As far as arguing who is right and which word should be used, how about allowing each person their title? Stop trying to censor what everyone is saying. I don't go to anti-adoption sites and throw a hissy fit to get people to change their language. I believe more in adoption reform than I do in abolishing adoption. Some people should not be parents. Yes support family preservation but realize some families just can't be saved. Judge each situation on its own merits and demerits.
There are days when I hate adoption and I hate the fact that I searched. I would have been better served being blissfully ignorant. I would have rather not known that my birther feels that I was not worthy of her love and respect. The only good thing about this psychoatic trip is the wonderful people that I have met along the way. The bad thing is that for the time being until we change the laws in this country, adoptees will always be property of that state in which they were born. All I feel like saying to those who think that they know better is FUCK YOU.