Monday, September 17, 2007

DAY OF REORGANIZATION

I have been thinking about doing this for quite a long time. Its time for me to change things up. This weekend was just the kicker that made it mandatory for me.

I was off work Friday. I was going to help a friend of mine with taking pictures of her family's grave plot and their old family house in Electra. That was a great deal of fun. I couldn't find the graves because they were unmarked. I went up and down on both sides of the cemetary. I did have the address for the house though. The house looked ancient and about ready to fall apart with one touch of a finger. The house was overgrown with trees, shrubs and vines. The mailbox was old and rusted. The house was not even liveable. I did go to the Electra library and found the articles for both her great grandmother and her grandfather. The names changed to protect the innocent. I then went to Wichita Falls library and found the article for her grandfather. I have mailed then since then. She should receive them on Wednesday. It was a truly wonderful moment in my day.

My day took a turn for the worst. A dear friend plead guilty on charges of international kidnapping. This was a story of coercion and lying. Sad thing is that I can't do a damn thing about it. Her story is one of donor semen and egg that went tragically wrong. Even if you don't agree with the IVF stuff, how can anyone turn their back on someone who could use advice and help? Because she used IVF, does she deserve to be treated the way that she was? I honestly don't understand. Sadly, every natural mother secretly wishes that they too could have run off with their children. I know many. Even if this same mother said some things that were done in the heat and emotion of the moment, can you really blame her? She lost her children, for Christ's sake. She made foolish choices but we do we as mothers and children, not made them?

Even though I do believe in family preservation, I just can't do this anymore. Its killing me bit by bit. Even though I do believe the adoption industry is out of control and corrupted, I just can't do this anymore. This is the third morning a row where I have felt nauseated and sick. I desparately need a break. So I am going to slow down and step back. I need to find that spot where I don't take on other people's problems and carry them as my own. For now I need to fight my battle against adoption in another way. All this shit with entitled adoptive parents is killing me step by step. Sadly down the road, I will meet Tyler and Hollie within my own organizations. They will be joining Bastard Nation and AAFC. I will be saddened because I know their story. It could have all been prevented.

3 comments:

Mary said...

Hugs. I know how reading about and advocating against the adoption machine was wear one down. Taking a step back and a break can really help. I do appreciate all you did on Friday too! Take care. Mary

Anonymous said...

Amy,

((((Hugs)))

MaeDay

mia said...

Everyone needs a break at one point or another. Be good to yourself Amy.