SNICKERING AND SNORTING

JOLIE, PITT RETURN ADOPTED CHILDREN
Hollywood — As the trend for adopting third-world children wanes, superstar couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have decided to return their three adopted children to their respective countries.“Just like Kababalah, Ugg boots, and trucker hats, all trends come to an end in Hollywood, and it seems Brad and Angelina simply grew tired of those kids,” said Celebritytrend.com writer Stephen Henderson.
According to insiders, all four children cried hysterically and begged their parents to stay as they were told the heartbreaking news and sent back to their native countries.
“Having their assistants put these kids on flights at LAX airport all by themselves was a bit harsh,” said TMZ.com supervising producer Gillian Sheldon. “But what makes this situation even worse is that those poor kids had to fly commercial. After all the months they had to get used to living in luxury, it’s sickening.”
Five year-old Maddox is already back in Cambodia and in custody of the government.
“We knew Maddox would be back soon,” said Cambodian Interior Minister Naruth Bopha. “I mean, we all knew that Angelina couldn’t make a long commitment. How long did her marriage with Billy Bob Thorton last? How long before her sexual relationship with her brother came to an end? I actually won 300,000 dong ($20) in the office pool.”
Cambodian officials don’t know what will happen to Maddox, but they hope Madonna will adopt him. Officials have contacted Madonna’s publicity team but have not heard back from the singer as rumors are swirling that Madonna is preparing to return her adopted child, David Banda, back to the African nation of Malawi.
“Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about Angelina and Brad or Madonna returning their children,” said Dalton. “The return policy clearly states they can bring the children back at any time. The laws are different there when it comes to adoption. So long as you keep the receipt, you can do pretty much anything.”
Pitt and Jolie’s adopted three year old child, Pax Thien, was sent back to Vietnam. A photo of Pax is now up on eBay with some bids over $5,000.
“I’m watching this auction every minute of the day,” said eBay shopper Dennis Gartone. “It would be awesome to show off Pax and say, ‘Check it out. This was Angelina and Brad’s kid.’”
Two year old Zahara Marley was sent back to Ethiopia and was lost for last several days after arriving in the African nation. She has since been located and is being cared by a United Nations official, Timothy Charles.
“Woody Allen contacted me, but said he’d only be interesting in adopting her when she turns 16,” said Charles.
As for Pitt and Jolie’s biological child, 15-month-old Shiloh Nouvel, the celebrity couple are thinking about putting her up for adoption because of their demanding schedules. According to sources, Jennifer Aniston is interested in adopting her.