Sunday, June 29, 2008


In this post, I talked about how some adoptive parents don't get it. The blogger that I was disgusted with in my opinion was diminishing both the adoptee and the natural parent experience. I still feel that she is. I realize that I am probably starting a blog war with her. Her condescending tone has really ticked me off as a reader and as an adoptee.

I feel that I have several authentic mothers. I have a natural mother who gave me life. I have an adoptive mother who taught me how to live it. I have several natural mothers who have taught me compassion. So which is my authentic mother? I consider all of them as such. I have a step mother that my first adoptive father has long since divorced. She too is an authentic mother to me as well. Is she non real to me?

Authentic mothering is basically a nice term for "real" mother. Don't bullshit me. I call hogwash right here and now. You want to define adoptees who are angry at the system of adoption as having adoptive parents who "weren't whole to begin with." Okay in my mind, you are attacking my adoptive mother. Let me tell you Eve. She has her stuff more together than you ever could. Yes she feels blessed that I came into her life. She is however concerned that it might have been done either illegally, coercively, or unethically. Can you say that about yourself?

The blogger left this comment on that post. So I thought that I would make it a top post.

It must be confusing when an intelligent, multi-dimensional woman writes about adoption. I don't care how many mothers you think you have; I am writing about authentic mothering. A person can have one mother who never acts like a real mother; she can have a birth and adoptive mother who never act like real mothers; she can have had three mothers, only one or two of whom acted out of authentic love, and so on. I think if you had actually read what I wrote, rather than reacting, you'd see that this is exactly what I am saying rather than branding me as one of "those kids of adoptive parents."

Keep reading, if you have the stomach for it. I think you will admit you're mistaken about me after awhile, but even if you don't, I'll keep writing.

You can keep writing Eve all you want. You are using the bible and your so called intelligence in being dismissive to adoptees, natural parents and even to some adoptive parents. You are not multidimensional but you are multi-dismissive. I don't think adoption and the bible are a good mix. I don't believe that God intended adoption to be as it is practiced here in the United States. When you throw around the bible, you have situations like Sean Paddock happening. I for one am tired of hearing how adoptees and foster children are getting hurt by the so called adoption system. I am tired of hearing people like you dismissing our experiences as invalid.

Sorry I am just not good at being grateful. You need to more research into adoption.


Anonymous said...

Take a good look at her, Amy.

A self-proclaimed "Christian" and yet look at what she is: self-absorbed, cocky, self-righteous and lacking any sort of compassion whatsoever.

Not exactly what I would call a role-model for Christianity.

Take what she says with a grain of salt, because really, people like that are living with so much acid in their hearts, it's got to be pretty sad and lonely living in their shoes.

I feel sorry for her.

Someday when the truth comes and bites her in her holy self righteous ass, it's going to be a rude awakening indeed, and who's going to be there to comfort her? Nobody but her Good Book, and what a sad day for her that will be.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks, so I don't know a lot about your story. This line really caught my interest:

"Yes she feels blessed that I came into her life. She is however concerned that it might have been done either illegally, coercively, or unethically."

I'd love to hear more about how your mother broached that topic with you. I find it to be a very complicated thing to address - hindsight vision that shows a different picture than the one you imagined going in. I haven't heard any adoptees talk about discussing that with their parents.

Thanks for sharing what you do here. It's hard to read, no doubt, as there is just so much to be done to make adoption ethical, but it is important to hear it, and hear it, and hear it.

Eve said...

Amy, I don't want to have any kind of war with you. But I am following what you're writing becasue you're linking to my blog.

I finished up what I had to say about real mothers today, and if you think that what I wrote continues to denigrate adopted people, then I'd like to know how on earth? Please, by all means, educate me. In fact, if you have the patience for it, I invite you to educate me in every way you want to, by picking apart what I've written and writing a guest post about it.

I'll call it "My Comeuppance" or whatever else you want to call it.

But, by all means, I hope you will say to me everything you've always wished to say to every caricature of an adoptive parent that you imagine me to be. I welcome your scrutiny; but I notice you have spent less than three minutes reading my blog.

How do you explain being such an expert on my motives when you invested so little? Somehow, I doubt your sincerity. But if you're really interested in helping an ignorant human being, I invite you to help me.

Amyadoptee said...

I will gladly accept your challenge. Oh I have spent considerable time on your blog. Check on your sitemeter for a Level 3 from Texas, Arkansas or Oklahoma. That is me. I have been writing on adoption for close to three years. I am very wise to the ways of adoption agencies and their tactics. I know and researched the pain that many adoptees and mothers have gone through. I am not completely unsympathetic to adoptive parents.

Eve said...

Amy, good, I'm glad you're interested in dialogue.

I hope you don't have me confused with an adoption agency! Having a Ph.D. in psychology doesn't make me anything but a person with a Ph.D. in psychology. I'm just an adoptive mother, among other things.

Eve said...

Hey there, again. Thank you for your honest communication. I'm really grateful. :o)