It is not an easy task. I spent an hour yesterday helping an adoptee under the pressures that adoption places on a mother. The person that I was speaking with was far from being ignorant on adoption. She is learning now what adoption can do both bad and good. She is trying to help the most stubborn of adoptive parents see the error of their ways and thinking. I commend her for it. Sadly there are people out there that you are not going to change their opinion on adoption. What bothers me is that adoptees like her and myself get sucked into the negativity inside the comments of folks that she was referring to. My anger has motivated me to make changes. I have used it constructively. It is not this person that I have the issue with but I use her as an example of what others and I deal with.
Recently this article came out yesterday about the devious ways an adoption agency operates to get the highest dollar. One of the comments that Adam Pertman made bugged a friend of mine. I agree with the comment. Adoption in itself when it represents both the surrendering parents and the adoptive parents is a conflict of interest. Each must have their own representation. I am not talking just social workers. I am talking attorneys. Yet that does not exist. I only know of a couple agencies that actually have a social worker representing the surrendering mothers and fathers.
My issue with an individual is that they don't realize what I have been doing for the last three years. They don't realize who my tutors have been. My tutors have been people involved in the movement for decades. Marley Greiner, Mirah Riben, Sandy Young, Triona Guidry, Anita Fields, and many others. The number of mothers that I have spoken to over the years must be in the thousands. This is not something brand new. Jean Paton started with the Orphan Voyage in 1949. ALMA was started in the seventies. CUB has been around since then as well. I know the history of adoption. Bastard Nation in the nineties. I have read the many court cases that these people have helped in fighting to change the attitudes on. How do you get someone to listen long enough as this person likes to talk a lot to what the history of adoption is? I can point in the various natural mother organizations. I can ask to her sit down and speak with some of the members that have been around for years. It has always always been under the control of adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, their membership groups, child welfare leagues and so forth. It has never really been controlled by those living adoption. These are the people that think that they know best. Our records are controlled by a clerk that took a typing test how many years ago.
How do I convince this person that adoption isn't the win/win/win situation for all of us that they are so sure of? How do I convince this person that adoption has hurt the mothers of the past?