Monday, January 01, 2007


I got this in one of my comment sections on the Allison Quets articles. I want to address this one.

Dear Gem825,

I am truly sorry for the pain in your lives. I don't fight for the right to reunion. I don't even fight for our access to medical records. I fight for the right to our original birth certificates. We need to have them because they record OUR births. If passport regulations go through, we won't be able to leave our own country because we have been adopted. I fight for the rights of first parents who have been abused, coerced and terrorized just as it seems that your mother has been. I know that you feel a great deal of anger and pain. I so understand that pain and anger because I too feel it. I would rather fight the injustice that causes this pain. If I can help others prevent the type of pain that we have gone through and continue to go through, I would do it in a heart beat. I am considering getting counseling myself because of the anger and pain. Have you thought about it yourself? If you do, I have an acquaintance who can help. There is also many supportive groups out there. Like Soul of Adoption. Like Chosen Babies. Have you read Mia's Saving Grace? Or Maybe Wraiths blog? They too are going through the same kind of pain and anguish. Read many many of the first parent blogs out there. Have you read Ann Fessler's book, The Girls Who Went Away? It helped me understand what our mothers have gone through. Have you thought about writing a blog yourself? This has been very very healing for me. Along with the many women, men just to talk to.

If there is anything that I can do to help, Please contact me. My email is on the blog. I would gladly help you if just to talk to someone who has been there and will continue to be there even after I do get my records (if that ever happens).

I am an adoptee who has searched and found. Would I do it again? NO Am I better off emotionally now? NO Yes, I know who I am. Yes, I have medical history. Yes, I know the circumstances of my birth and family. BUT....I have 2 brothers, who look so much like me it's uncanny and we share an abundance of depression and anxiety which I'm positive is hereditary. Our emotional pain of the past prevents us from maintaining any sort of relationship and this in turn leads to MORE emotional pain for all 3 of us. Our mother is a shell of a woman encased in her own pain. The pain of having me in her life is too great for her as it takes her back to a painful place emotionally and she can't deal with a decision she made 55 years ago. So, here we have 4 people who know the truth. 4 people whose lives have been altered forever with the knowlege of what they missed out on. 4 people who can't let go of past pain, guilt, and anger. My brothers will never feel the same towards our mother. They will always feel cheated out of not having their sister in their lives. Our mother will carry her albatross forever. I can't forgive our mother. I will forever long for the relationship that could have been with my brothers. All 4 of us will forever be consumed with depression, anxiety, and pain. I also met my father, now deceased. He wanted me in his life, but I couldn't form any relationship with him as the guilt towards my adopted father was too great. So I, in my emotional turmoil, never saw him again and now live with the pain of knowing he is deceased. Sometimes the truth hurts.....this was one of those times for all of us. I wish I had left things alone as the unknown was certainly better than the truth in my case.

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