Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Everyone knows I fight for fathers and mothers who have lost their children to unscrupulous adoption agencies. One father is taking a real risk tomorrow. He is telling his story on national television. I am really worried. The natural mother's father has accused him of rape. This is one of the many tactics that these agencies and attorneys use to get a father to relinquish. I warned him about this about a month ago. They drudge everything up about a father. His past can be thrown at him no matter how good or how great. They will twist it to make it bad. If he has a sip of beer, he becomes an alcoholic. If he goes to a bar and waits on his sister, he is carousing at a bar. If he spanks his child, he is an abusive father. All it takes is the accusation. Its enough to keep the case going for years until he gives up. Its sad but its true.

I found this letter to the editor here. I am publishing it here so we can read it.

The Family Court of Fall River, like thousands of others, seems to not only sanction, but ardently promote the estrangement of child and father. Further, the mothers, along with their lawyers, manipulate the court with the outdated "every woman is a victim" syndrome and false or exaggerated accusations, and offer up the children as catalysts to punish and impoverish the father.
This is scathingly evident in the case of unwed parents. The fathers of illegitimate children are "fathers" only in the eyes of the bank! Nowhere is this more apparent than a case in California of the unwed mother placing her child up for adoption, the father of the child petitioning the court for custody of his child, and the "wisdom" of the court denying his petition. This particular case is now pending in the Supreme Court. For most, the expense of such a pursuit of justice is completely prohibitive.
Signing an acknowledgement of paternity provides no parental rights to the father. The child, with the blessings of the court, becomes no more than a commodity for the unwed mother. Affording her the lifelong "right" and ability to abuse and harrass the system, the courts and the father of the child without repercussion or accountability. The family courts are overflowing daily with charges that are ludicrous, unfounded and out-and-out lies. Fathers by the droves are brought to task by vindictive, self-serving, deceitful mothers, many of whom practice irresponsible breeding as a means of income.
Yes, there are "dead beat" dads. Many simply choose to ignore their parental responsibilities. But, the majority are "created" by our (in)justice system.
Judgements in Family Court are hawked as in the best interest of the child, when, in fact, they are in the best interest of the court. The family lawyers are much like morticians, preying upon clients at a most vulnerable moment, a time when rationale is set aside. After all, what father is not willing to sacrifice all for his child? Ergo, thousands upon thousands of dollars are mindlessly placed in the hands of attorneys, who, with minimal exception, concern themselves with plans for their next boat purchase and wouldn’t know the best interest of the child if they fell over it.
What about the guardians ad litem? Case in point. After meeting with a "father" who provided extensive legal documentation regarding his child being subjected to frequent visits by an ex-con pedophile and a known heroin addict, the GAL met with the (un-wed) mother. She admitted that both were a part of the small child’s life on a regular basis, and that, "if it matters, I won’t let him go around them anymore." If?
The final recommendation of the GAL was the child should continue to live with the mother, even though there was concern about his safety and well-being (paraphrased). Guardians ad litem have no particular qualifications, if any, and yet the court utilizes and respects their recommendations. Again, where does the "best interest of the child" come into play? Perhaps in the next battle in the court? I doubt it!
Being a father, wed or unwed, is not a crime, except in the Family Court system. Being an unwed mother has lost its stigma, and rightfully so. It happens. If there is a "crime" involved, it is that the Family Court system violates rather than endorses the "best interests of the children."
Until we correct this mockery of jurisprudence, hundreds of thousands of fathers will continue to be estranged or incarcerated, hundreds of thousands of the vindictive mothers will continue to view their children as cash registers and hundreds of thousands of children will fall to abuse and neglect, or worse.
For the many mothers and fathers who work toward the "best interest of the child," blessed be. For the rest of you, bless the children; they deserve better. I hope you get what you deserve!

Marti Vadeboncoeur

What is really interesting is how these agencies and attorneys really look at unwed parents. In fact Rep Liston called unwed parents, male and female, sluts. That comment set the natural mothers on fire. As a woman, that comment ticks me off. Truthfully though that is how they view us. We can all be successful, contributing members of society but somehow we would be wrong. I can hardly consider my own natural mother a slut since she was in love deeply with my natural father. Maybe it wasn't the best idea but at the same time it was probably her first time. She has probably spent the rest of her life being married to the father of her sons.. Slut very much unlikely. In fact a majority of mothers are NOT sluts. Excuse me Colorado you elected this fool. Maybe its time to kick him out of office.


Anonymous said...

Amy, this is not related to this particular post, but I'm writing to ask for your help gathering input for an article I'm researching: the impact of reunion on spouses and siblings from all perspectives.

I started looking into this last fall and got a little response to this post on my blog: Reunion Impacts A recent comment on that post jump-started me again.

I'm asking if anyone with applicable experiences would share with me:

As a natural parent, how did your spouse react to your reunion? What were the impacts on your spouse and/or your other children? What about your relationship with your parents and other family members?

As an adoptee, how did your reunion affect your spouse and children? Your adopted siblings? What is your relationship like with your natural siblings?

Perhaps there are also adoptive parents out there for whom reunion had an impact on their marriages.

Anyone with input can go to my blog or email me at Denise

Thank you!

Amyadoptee said...

Would you be willing to do that kind of thing with open adoptions? I can post this in a couple other places that I know of that might give you a rounded experience.