Its hard to believe that I have been writing this blog for nearly three years. I have actively searched for a majority of that time. I have made some really great friends. I have learned a great deal about myself in the process. No I am not quitting writing. I admit that it has been very healing for me. I will continue. I guess I am experiencing growing pains right now.
I watch the television show, Bones, all the time. It is a favorite. I relate to the main character. This week's episode really hit home for me along with the latest safe haven law in Nebraska. Dr. Brennan aka Bones looks at things very analytically. She doesn't allow the emotional side to interfere with her life. I do the same thing with adoptee rights and adoption reform. Its easier to hide behind the angry adoptee in me than to expose who I really am to myself and those that love me. It is just easier to look at things logically and analytically than to scream, hollar, shake a fist, cry, and howl at some thing that no one wants to see as being anything but good.
What does anger really hide? It hides the hurt and the pain that I feel. I have been rejected twice now. Even though there are promises of adoptee access in Indiana, I am not exactly keen on finding my mother anymore. I can not guarantee what I will do that once I receive that document if I even receive it. I want to find my father because he wanted me. He may now be deceased but at least I can tell his wife and his daughter that I am alive and that I think of them often. I can reassure them that my life was good. I am at a point in my life where I find myself questioning the foundation that I have built my life on. Could it survive another rejection? Could it survive never finding? I find myself wondering if I am actually real or just another fake kid that no one wants to listen to. It is just so difficult to listen to the horrors of adoption. You get the shut up and be gratefuls only so much before you blow a fuse every time you turn around. I read another stupid Catholic blog today saying that we adoptees should be grateful that we were not aborted. You never know abortion just might have been legal in 1965 in that state that you were born in.
I went into it a little with the previous post and a comment that I made. The people that argue for these laws don't bother to ask those that have to live with these laws. Adoptees. They ignore us. The adoptee rights movement by most standards is what thirty plus years old. We have been screaming for them for years. Many of the pro-life groups have blamed us for that issue. If you notice, National Adoption Awareness month really isn't about the adoptee. The mothers get mentioned but not in a favorable light. There is the "God bless all those adoptive parents for adopting all those unwanted children" all over the place.
I read this article today. One paragraph stuck out at me.
"The empty, feel-good myth about how we just need to make giving a child up for adoption easier is popular across the political spectrum. Liberals say it to assure everyone that we're trying to reduce the abortion rate with carrots instead of sticks. Conservatives say it to assure audiences that a ban on abortion won't be that bad for women, who presumably can just give birth and walk away, leaving their babies to worthier couples who aren't wayward sluts. Few people have the guts to point out that the belief that adoption will reduce the abortion rate is largely a myth. Now that it's legal in basically all states to drop off an infant without explanation and terminate your parental responsibilities with no effort, we can firmly state that the rhetoric about adoption is hollow and empty. "
Yea I feel hollow and empty right now. Women can't just give birth and walk away. Its not in our DNA. Lord knows I could never walk away from my daughters. Much of what I do today is for them in the future. Adoption has taught me that I am only a valuable resource as an infant. Adoption has taught me that I am not valued or important. It constantly reminds me that I am disposable no matter what anyone says.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
CRISIS PREGNANCY CENTERS
My first encounter with a crisis pregnancy center was with a friend that needed a pregnancy verification test for her medicaid benefits. She went to the local CPC with her husband and son. They asked her three times that she relinquish her baby. THREE TIMES IN FRONT OF HUSBAND AND CHILD.
What set me off today was this article. Pat Boone needs to shut his mouth. Planned parenthood is a tax funded growth industry. As a young woman, I used Planned Parenthood services. I used them to get my yearly exam and my birth control products. I however never had an abortion. I can bet that the adoption industry and CPC's like CareNet make a great deal more money. Non profit is all about profit.
The adoption industry is at least a three billion dollar business. This is only infant adoption. The tax dollars that adoption agencies receive from the state and federal governments for foster care is not included in this little sum of money. There are a few agencies in Texas alone that get close to $100,000,000.
I find it even more interesting with these agencies getting funds from state and federal governments, these agencies use this funds to continue to discriminate against adoptees and families. The states have created an immunity and privilege special for adoption.
Another interesting fact is that adoption agencies are connected to the Right to Life movement. The National Council for Adoption is in thick with them. These CPCs and the adoption agencies are dead set against Roe vs. Wade but use it to intentionally thwart adoptees and their families. They use it to discriminate against them.
After reviewing the IRS form 990, Planned Parenthood gets $85,000,000 per year. Not all of it comes from the government. They earn a lot of it through donations and services rendered. Services like family planning, yearly exams for women, and abortions. Adoption industry earns that in a year within one state. So really who is making money here? I don't think Planned Parenthood and all of its affiliates have earned near the three billion dollar a year that the adoption industry has earned. Again this is just the domestic infant adoption. If you figure in the international adoption side of this industry, it goes up to seven billion dollars a year.
The Right to Life movement needs to re-access who they associate with. These agencies continually fight to make life harder for the mothers and the adoptees.
What set me off today was this article. Pat Boone needs to shut his mouth. Planned parenthood is a tax funded growth industry. As a young woman, I used Planned Parenthood services. I used them to get my yearly exam and my birth control products. I however never had an abortion. I can bet that the adoption industry and CPC's like CareNet make a great deal more money. Non profit is all about profit.
The adoption industry is at least a three billion dollar business. This is only infant adoption. The tax dollars that adoption agencies receive from the state and federal governments for foster care is not included in this little sum of money. There are a few agencies in Texas alone that get close to $100,000,000.
I find it even more interesting with these agencies getting funds from state and federal governments, these agencies use this funds to continue to discriminate against adoptees and families. The states have created an immunity and privilege special for adoption.
Another interesting fact is that adoption agencies are connected to the Right to Life movement. The National Council for Adoption is in thick with them. These CPCs and the adoption agencies are dead set against Roe vs. Wade but use it to intentionally thwart adoptees and their families. They use it to discriminate against them.
After reviewing the IRS form 990, Planned Parenthood gets $85,000,000 per year. Not all of it comes from the government. They earn a lot of it through donations and services rendered. Services like family planning, yearly exams for women, and abortions. Adoption industry earns that in a year within one state. So really who is making money here? I don't think Planned Parenthood and all of its affiliates have earned near the three billion dollar a year that the adoption industry has earned. Again this is just the domestic infant adoption. If you figure in the international adoption side of this industry, it goes up to seven billion dollars a year.
The Right to Life movement needs to re-access who they associate with. These agencies continually fight to make life harder for the mothers and the adoptees.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
ADOPTEE RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IN THE NEWS
I was reviewing adoptee news on google. I found this story. It discusses one of the legislators responsible for Maine's turnabout on their law. It goes into effect in 2009. Her name is Roberta Beavers. She has just announced her candidacy. We need more like her. They titled their bill "The Adoptee Human Rights Bill." She also received an Angel in Adoption award. That shocks me considering she went against the normal train of thought on this issue. I gotta love her anyway. She does an awesome job. I know that she still has a lot of work ahead of her.
Here is the story about her. Check it out. For the Maine folks out there, please vote for her.
Here is the story about her. Check it out. For the Maine folks out there, please vote for her.
SOUTH BERWICK, Maine — Roberta Beavers has announced her candidacy for representative to the Maine Legislature, District 148, which includes all of Eliot and part of South Berwick. She will be running against Republican incumbent Sarah Lewin.
Beavers said she has been busy since she narrowly lost her first election bid against Lewin in 2006.
"The primary thing was working on the Adoptee Human Rights Bill that passed in 2007," she said. "I was commuting often to Augusta, where I hand-selected a bipartisan team of sponsors for this bill.
"It was the right combination of people from both sides of the aisle and from the House and the Senate," she added. "The bill empowers adult adopted people to obtain a copy of their original birth certificate and pay the same fee as anybody not adopted, and also empowers the parents of origin whether of not they wish to be contacted."
In addition to the legislative work, Beavers said she has become involved with the Eliot and South Berwick historical societies, both garden clubs, both libraries as far as fund-raising, and the same for the Great Works Regional Land Trust.
For her work in adoption, Beavers received a U.S. Congressional Angel in Adoption Award and went down to Washington to receive it along with nine other members of her legislative team, including the bill's sponsors.
"I have been listening carefully to the people of Eliot and South Berwick, respecting their concerns and advocating for them in Augusta and will continue to do so," said Beavers.
She said that two of the most critical concerns are energy costs and health care.
"Since Maine consumes less power than it exports, let's run our own electricity system or join the neighboring Canadian grid and reduce the barriers to clean renewable energy resources," she said. "The Canadians are willing to talk, and we should be too."
To reduce health-care costs, she said: "Let's get rid of the near monopoly by one health insurance company. Our people and our businesses are being hurt badly. Without radical change here, there will be no change in the overall business environment."
Beavers' work experience includes 18 years in the chemical industry as a research chemist, marketing analyst and marketing manager, and seven years as a small business owner in computers. She gained her greatest career satisfaction as a career counselor and as an art gallery manager for nonprofit organizations, she said.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
IS ADOPTION AN ACT OF VIOLENCE?
A blogger friend of mine wrote a post that made me stop and think. Really think. I don't like to discuss my feelings on adoption. Many times for me I can't define those feelings and thoughts. I usually let my friend, Joy, do it. She is so eloquent with her words. I am usually shaking my head thinking,"yea that is it right there in a nutshell." I consider adoption as it is currently practiced a crime against children and their families. I do, however, see the need for it in our society. We do have children who are abused and need homes.
What is the definition of violence?
With natural parents, its the name calling, manipulation of emotions and thought processes, and isolation from family and friends. These are just the things off the top of my head. I know with my own natural mother that she was tied to her bed, denied proper nutrition, verbal cruelty, denial of adequate pain relief. It is the denial of their parenthood because the natural parents have relinquished their rights as a citizen. They don't stop being parents because of this. The biological connection will always be there.
I have read the Birthmother, Good Mother article out by the National Council for Adoption. They want mothers called this. Its a tactic to get women to relinquish their rights. In their Adoption Factbook III, they want the adoptive parents to call these mothers and fathers of loss biological strangers. They want to make these parents insignificant and nonessential. That is emotional cruelty at its finest.
With adoptees, we face emotional cruelty and violence. Everyone does some form of genealogy at some point or another. They are either told stories or they have read them through out family bibles and other family paperwork. Adoptees are told to suck it up. They are told to be grateful that they were not aborted or dumped. They are told to accept and move on. Society still treats adoptees who search as insane, mentally ill and angry. If an adoptee like myself speaks out against current adoption practices, we are summarily dismissed with all of these titles. Its violence at its finest on a very deep emotional level. We constantly have to fight the walking of the edge. Some are strong and can ignore it. Some give in and commit suicide. Others choose to ignore the elephant in the room.
To answer the question, yes, I do believe that adoption is a form of abusive, emotional violence. How do we change it? Tell me your answers.
What is the definition of violence?
Noun
- S: (n) violence, force (an act of aggression (as one against a person who resists)) "he may accomplish by craft in the long run what he cannot do by force and violence in the short one"
- S: (n) ferocity, fierceness, furiousness, fury, vehemence, violence, wildness (the property of being wild or turbulent) "the storm's violence"
- S: (n) violence (a turbulent state resulting in injuries and destruction etc.)
With natural parents, its the name calling, manipulation of emotions and thought processes, and isolation from family and friends. These are just the things off the top of my head. I know with my own natural mother that she was tied to her bed, denied proper nutrition, verbal cruelty, denial of adequate pain relief. It is the denial of their parenthood because the natural parents have relinquished their rights as a citizen. They don't stop being parents because of this. The biological connection will always be there.
I have read the Birthmother, Good Mother article out by the National Council for Adoption. They want mothers called this. Its a tactic to get women to relinquish their rights. In their Adoption Factbook III, they want the adoptive parents to call these mothers and fathers of loss biological strangers. They want to make these parents insignificant and nonessential. That is emotional cruelty at its finest.
With adoptees, we face emotional cruelty and violence. Everyone does some form of genealogy at some point or another. They are either told stories or they have read them through out family bibles and other family paperwork. Adoptees are told to suck it up. They are told to be grateful that they were not aborted or dumped. They are told to accept and move on. Society still treats adoptees who search as insane, mentally ill and angry. If an adoptee like myself speaks out against current adoption practices, we are summarily dismissed with all of these titles. Its violence at its finest on a very deep emotional level. We constantly have to fight the walking of the edge. Some are strong and can ignore it. Some give in and commit suicide. Others choose to ignore the elephant in the room.
To answer the question, yes, I do believe that adoption is a form of abusive, emotional violence. How do we change it? Tell me your answers.
LDS AND GAG ORDERS
LDS Family Services of Hawaii wanted and received a gag order regarding Camira Bailey. That gag order can not remove all the posts about her all over the internet. There are sneaky little tricks that people can use to access them. I know I have used them. So we can all delete all the posts but they would all still be there on the internet. You can't delete anything on the internet. Its there forever and ever. It is against the law to hold Camira and all of the other natural parents fighting for my actions.
Of course the reason why they want this gag order is because they pulled a fast one on Camira. Accusing her of doing drugs and threatening her with Child Protective Services of Hawaii. They had her and her mother in tears before the day was out. In the mean time, her child was flown to Oregon.
The sad thing is with the gag order. She has probably lost her case. Hawaii's law states that once the child is placed with the adoptive parents. That is it. She has to prove coercion. Natural parent coercion is damn near impossible to prove. The judge probably is thinking none of this happened to this girl and her family. The natural father is involved. LDS is powerful. They will wield their money to get the judge to see things their way. Camira and the father can fight until their blue in the face. They will have to go to the Hawaii Supreme Court in order to get the adoption order reversed. Then they will have to fight in Oregon. LDS Family Services of Hawaii will encourage the adoptive parents to continue fighting. After all its their rights that are more important than the rights of the natural parents.
It is becoming a battle for the rights of the natural parents vs. the adoptive parents. The LDS Church as we all know want to build their numbers through adoption. They don't care how they do it as long as it gets done. Adoption is not a right. It is a priviledge. A mother does not have a fundamental right to relinquish her child. The National Council for Adoption would like it so.
So I have decided to put the names of those fighting LDS Family/Social Services and other agencies/attorneys at the bottom of every blog. I plan on using the labels for the next month. You can't shut me down. You can't hold Camira Bailey and her family accountable for my actions. This is my blog and it is being written out of the state of Texas. Hawaii's law and Oregon's law has no jurisdiction over me. I will continue to remind folks of the loss that these folks have suffered at the hands of these unscrupulous adoption agencies and attorneys
So please continue to spread the word of these parents who are still fighting for their right to parent their own children. The law was broken in all of their cases. Its time that the United States Attorney General, the FBI, Department of Energy and Commerce and the Justice Department stands up and pay attention to these folks.
CAMIRA BAILEY - SON STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
BRYCE CARKHUFF - DAUGHTER STOLEN
SHAWN MCDONALD - SON STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
BRYNDEN AYRE - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
JOSHUA SIMMERSON - CHILD STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
STEPHANIE BENNETT - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY A CHILD'S WAITING
ALLISON QUETS - TWINS STOLEN BY MICHAEL SHORSTEIN AND BRYAN KELLY
IBBAANIKA BOND AND CRAIG LENTZ - SON STOLEN
CODY O'DEA - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
MATT TENNESON - CHILD STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
Of course the reason why they want this gag order is because they pulled a fast one on Camira. Accusing her of doing drugs and threatening her with Child Protective Services of Hawaii. They had her and her mother in tears before the day was out. In the mean time, her child was flown to Oregon.
The sad thing is with the gag order. She has probably lost her case. Hawaii's law states that once the child is placed with the adoptive parents. That is it. She has to prove coercion. Natural parent coercion is damn near impossible to prove. The judge probably is thinking none of this happened to this girl and her family. The natural father is involved. LDS is powerful. They will wield their money to get the judge to see things their way. Camira and the father can fight until their blue in the face. They will have to go to the Hawaii Supreme Court in order to get the adoption order reversed. Then they will have to fight in Oregon. LDS Family Services of Hawaii will encourage the adoptive parents to continue fighting. After all its their rights that are more important than the rights of the natural parents.
It is becoming a battle for the rights of the natural parents vs. the adoptive parents. The LDS Church as we all know want to build their numbers through adoption. They don't care how they do it as long as it gets done. Adoption is not a right. It is a priviledge. A mother does not have a fundamental right to relinquish her child. The National Council for Adoption would like it so.
So I have decided to put the names of those fighting LDS Family/Social Services and other agencies/attorneys at the bottom of every blog. I plan on using the labels for the next month. You can't shut me down. You can't hold Camira Bailey and her family accountable for my actions. This is my blog and it is being written out of the state of Texas. Hawaii's law and Oregon's law has no jurisdiction over me. I will continue to remind folks of the loss that these folks have suffered at the hands of these unscrupulous adoption agencies and attorneys
So please continue to spread the word of these parents who are still fighting for their right to parent their own children. The law was broken in all of their cases. Its time that the United States Attorney General, the FBI, Department of Energy and Commerce and the Justice Department stands up and pay attention to these folks.
CAMIRA BAILEY - SON STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
BRYCE CARKHUFF - DAUGHTER STOLEN
SHAWN MCDONALD - SON STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
BRYNDEN AYRE - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
JOSHUA SIMMERSON - CHILD STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
STEPHANIE BENNETT - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY A CHILD'S WAITING
ALLISON QUETS - TWINS STOLEN BY MICHAEL SHORSTEIN AND BRYAN KELLY
IBBAANIKA BOND AND CRAIG LENTZ - SON STOLEN
CODY O'DEA - DAUGHTER STOLEN BY ADOPTION CENTER OF CHOICE
MATT TENNESON - CHILD STOLEN BY LDS FAMILY SERVICES
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
LDS ~ ANOTHER BABY THEFT
Even though I wanted to leave Tammy's post up for twenty four hours without posting another one, I can't. Nor would she want me too. She now knows what I am battling here. She would want me to continue fighting the good fight.
Babyselling recently posted this about a young woman out of Hawaii.
Camira Baily, his mother of Hawaii wrote my family asking for help. She saw our story about my sons ongoing battle to get custody of his daughter who was surrendered by the mother for adoption despite my sons permission or wishes.
My granddaughter will be two June 15th and we're still battling in the Utah court. The adoption has not been finalized and we've never seen a picture of her.
It's been a nightmare ever since we started on this odyssey. We had no idea how (in my opinion) ruthless the Mormon church is when it comes to securing babies and making sure they can have parental rights stripped away as quickly as possible from parents who want to keep their children. I posted an article on this site which included a little of our battle.
Babyselling is our attempt to bring to light the current adoption practices in the Mormon church. This site also led to a myspace site. Camira, looking for help, found us and I want to pass her story on to you.
Her story makes me literally sick to my stomach and outraged. You read it and tell me, did the LDS Family Services kidnap her child using deception and coersion?
"Hello. My name is Camira Bailey and I was hoping you could help me.
I found out in January that I was pregnant and made the decision to give my baby up for adoption. Arrangements were made very quickly because I was already 32 weeks when I found out. Adoptive Parents were chosen and emails exchanged. Everything went by in a blur and I before I knew it, I was in labor. I gave birth on Feb. 14th, 2008, Valentine's Day. After giving birth, I knew I couldn't give up my baby boy, whom I named Decklan James Bailey.
My mother was with me and we decided to hold off on calling LDS Family Services, the adoption agency I had been working with. One of the nurses came in and started asking us all of these questions. My mother told her we would be keeping the baby. A few hours later, a social worker came in. She made my mother leave even though I said she could stay. Then, she announced that I had tested positive for Cocaine, Methamphetamines, and Benzodiazepines and that if I didn't go through with the adoption, she was going to have to call CPS. All I could do was break down in tears. How could this have happened to me? I'd never done any drugs like that! I told her so and we argued a bit, but I knew it didn't matter. Guilty people always claimed innocence and the confirmatory was going to take ages to get back.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She said she would come back in 15 minutes for my decision. When she came back, I still couldn't speak and the flow of tears running down my face hadn't abated. "If you don't say anything, I'm going to call Sally Lee. Sometimes not saying anything is a decision in itself." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At that point, all I was thinking was 'I can't let that little boy get lost in the foster care system.' In the mean time, the LDS social worker was speaking to my mother on the phone. She was adamant about my mother not choosing CPS, telling her horror stories about children never returned and assuring her that at least with adoption, she would have visitation rights.
We later learned that she couldn't legally promise us such a thing. All of that was completely up to the adoptive parents. Coincidentally, she happened to have a mother there whose children were taken away by CPS. She was put on the phone to tell my mother her heart wrenching story. I soon managed to calm down a bit, but was still quite shook up. The LDS social worker came by and said she'd called the adoptive parents and they'd be there tomorrow afternoon. I was shell-shocked. Tomorrow? But I didn't even want to give it away. I thought she would have asked me or at least told me before she called them. It seemed like there was nothing I could do.
The next morning, the LDS social worker came by with a notary and dumped the papers on a table beside my hospital bed and pointed at where I should sign. I could barely concentrate on my signature because it took almost everything I had not to cry on the paperwork as I looked back and forth between it and the precious little guy sleeping next to me. As soon as things were signed, they were off. Only after this whole ordeal did things seem to come to light.
The baby's drug screen came back negative, of course. He also had no clinical presentation of withdrawal, which should have tipped someone off, especially given the type of drugs I was allegedly doing. My confirmatory test to see if I really did drugs or not came back negative also. We found out that CPS is almost always for mother child reunification and that if I'd went with them, my case would have been dismissed as soon as the tests came back and proved I was innocent. To describe what I felt when I found out I'd been deceived in such a way is quite impossible. At first I thought it was hopeless. I tried hard to accept that my baby wasn't mine anymore. I rationalized with myself that good people had him. In the end, when I looked at him, I knew that it would be impossible to accept. I would spend the rest of my life broken and so I am fighting, but I'm not sure what else to do.
Our attorney filed a petition, but it was denied and a hearing was scheduled, but it isn't until May. I've contacted the adoption agency, the adoptive parents, Kaiser Permanente, where I had the baby, the police department, Child Protective Services, the Mayor's office, and the Governor's office. The adoptive parents and the adoption agencies refuse to return my calls, the Governor's office says they'll look into it, and everyone else says they can't get involved because it's a civil matter.
I'm hoping that if people hear about this, someone will be able to do something to help or guide me to the proper resources because as of now, I'm completely tapped out. I don't even want to think about how they will just be able to take him back to Oregon, like everything is okay. Like I haven't spent all my nights awake. Like I haven't had to force myself to eat because I have no appetite. Like this hasn't completely ruined my whole life. Please help me. Please let the world know what's going on. Maybe then, little Decklan can come back home.
Camira Bailey"
If you can help Camira, please contact her on her myspace page. These battles are costly. I know Camira and Cody would appreciate donations to help with the costly legal representation to secure their rights.
Babyselling recently posted this about a young woman out of Hawaii.
Camira Baily, his mother of Hawaii wrote my family asking for help. She saw our story about my sons ongoing battle to get custody of his daughter who was surrendered by the mother for adoption despite my sons permission or wishes.
My granddaughter will be two June 15th and we're still battling in the Utah court. The adoption has not been finalized and we've never seen a picture of her.
It's been a nightmare ever since we started on this odyssey. We had no idea how (in my opinion) ruthless the Mormon church is when it comes to securing babies and making sure they can have parental rights stripped away as quickly as possible from parents who want to keep their children. I posted an article on this site which included a little of our battle.
Babyselling is our attempt to bring to light the current adoption practices in the Mormon church. This site also led to a myspace site. Camira, looking for help, found us and I want to pass her story on to you.
Her story makes me literally sick to my stomach and outraged. You read it and tell me, did the LDS Family Services kidnap her child using deception and coersion?
"Hello. My name is Camira Bailey and I was hoping you could help me.
I found out in January that I was pregnant and made the decision to give my baby up for adoption. Arrangements were made very quickly because I was already 32 weeks when I found out. Adoptive Parents were chosen and emails exchanged. Everything went by in a blur and I before I knew it, I was in labor. I gave birth on Feb. 14th, 2008, Valentine's Day. After giving birth, I knew I couldn't give up my baby boy, whom I named Decklan James Bailey.
My mother was with me and we decided to hold off on calling LDS Family Services, the adoption agency I had been working with. One of the nurses came in and started asking us all of these questions. My mother told her we would be keeping the baby. A few hours later, a social worker came in. She made my mother leave even though I said she could stay. Then, she announced that I had tested positive for Cocaine, Methamphetamines, and Benzodiazepines and that if I didn't go through with the adoption, she was going to have to call CPS. All I could do was break down in tears. How could this have happened to me? I'd never done any drugs like that! I told her so and we argued a bit, but I knew it didn't matter. Guilty people always claimed innocence and the confirmatory was going to take ages to get back.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She said she would come back in 15 minutes for my decision. When she came back, I still couldn't speak and the flow of tears running down my face hadn't abated. "If you don't say anything, I'm going to call Sally Lee. Sometimes not saying anything is a decision in itself." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At that point, all I was thinking was 'I can't let that little boy get lost in the foster care system.' In the mean time, the LDS social worker was speaking to my mother on the phone. She was adamant about my mother not choosing CPS, telling her horror stories about children never returned and assuring her that at least with adoption, she would have visitation rights.
We later learned that she couldn't legally promise us such a thing. All of that was completely up to the adoptive parents. Coincidentally, she happened to have a mother there whose children were taken away by CPS. She was put on the phone to tell my mother her heart wrenching story. I soon managed to calm down a bit, but was still quite shook up. The LDS social worker came by and said she'd called the adoptive parents and they'd be there tomorrow afternoon. I was shell-shocked. Tomorrow? But I didn't even want to give it away. I thought she would have asked me or at least told me before she called them. It seemed like there was nothing I could do.
The next morning, the LDS social worker came by with a notary and dumped the papers on a table beside my hospital bed and pointed at where I should sign. I could barely concentrate on my signature because it took almost everything I had not to cry on the paperwork as I looked back and forth between it and the precious little guy sleeping next to me. As soon as things were signed, they were off. Only after this whole ordeal did things seem to come to light.
The baby's drug screen came back negative, of course. He also had no clinical presentation of withdrawal, which should have tipped someone off, especially given the type of drugs I was allegedly doing. My confirmatory test to see if I really did drugs or not came back negative also. We found out that CPS is almost always for mother child reunification and that if I'd went with them, my case would have been dismissed as soon as the tests came back and proved I was innocent. To describe what I felt when I found out I'd been deceived in such a way is quite impossible. At first I thought it was hopeless. I tried hard to accept that my baby wasn't mine anymore. I rationalized with myself that good people had him. In the end, when I looked at him, I knew that it would be impossible to accept. I would spend the rest of my life broken and so I am fighting, but I'm not sure what else to do.
Our attorney filed a petition, but it was denied and a hearing was scheduled, but it isn't until May. I've contacted the adoption agency, the adoptive parents, Kaiser Permanente, where I had the baby, the police department, Child Protective Services, the Mayor's office, and the Governor's office. The adoptive parents and the adoption agencies refuse to return my calls, the Governor's office says they'll look into it, and everyone else says they can't get involved because it's a civil matter.
I'm hoping that if people hear about this, someone will be able to do something to help or guide me to the proper resources because as of now, I'm completely tapped out. I don't even want to think about how they will just be able to take him back to Oregon, like everything is okay. Like I haven't spent all my nights awake. Like I haven't had to force myself to eat because I have no appetite. Like this hasn't completely ruined my whole life. Please help me. Please let the world know what's going on. Maybe then, little Decklan can come back home.
Camira Bailey"
If you can help Camira, please contact her on her myspace page. These battles are costly. I know Camira and Cody would appreciate donations to help with the costly legal representation to secure their rights.
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