Sunday, February 19, 2006

FATHER'S RIGHTS AND OTHER THOUGHTS

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I am out there searching. I feel like I am almost there. I found a fellow Coleman adoptee who is now helping me. I am searching every obituary in the state of Indiana. I wasted three dollars on a good obituary. I researched everything I could about that name but it was nothing. It didn't have enough kids in it. I have been looking at all possibilities. How many tire plants can there be in Indiana right? It is turning out to be very cumbersome. I feel like I am almost there. I also feel like it is right there in front of me. Call it a feeling I guess. The reason why I have intensified my search is to find my father. I can understand why my birthmother doesn't want contact. I just want to find him now. He wanted to adopt me from the time he found out that I was going to be entering the world. He even went back and told his wife about the affair. I don't know what his motivation was. I can only guess. I do understand why he wanted to adopt me though. He lost three children to some kind of joint disorder. I can't get the records opened up because they are all listed in her name. Even if I went to court, as long as she refuses I can't get the records opened up. They weren't married at the time.

I guess I am lucky in some respects. I have a father that I can honestly respect. It takes a lot of courage to go to your wife and own up to the indescretion that created me. It also takes courage to want to take responsibility for that indescretion. He even called the agency after the adoption.

Even though most men aren't like my birthfather, I do contend that we need to allow for the possibility for him to step forward. We cannot shirk this right because the adoption industry wants to put a child up for adoption faster. In this arena, adoption needs total honesty. No lies at all. Those lies just hurt people further. Closed records are just about covering up the lies. There are three people that want to find each other and we can't because of the lies and the pain of adoption. It is not a reproductive right to continue the lies. It is not a reproductive right to dictate what happens to a child/fetus once he/she becomes an adult. I think the adoption triad is the only group of people that are controlled by those "who know better than us." Adult Adoptees and their birthfamilies are adults. Let us decide what is best for us.

3 comments:

kim.kim said...

I hope you find him and get some answers.

'Thought & Humor' said...

.
We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.
As soon as we acknowledge
this Supreme Designer/Architect,
Who has erected the beauteous
fabric of the universe, our minds
must necessarily be ravished with
wonder at this infinate goodness,
wisdom and power.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Dr. Howdy


P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

Manuela said...

"think the adoption triad is the only group of people that are controlled by those "who know better than us." Adult Adoptees and their birthfamilies are adults. Let us decide what is best for us."

So true... so true. Isn't it the most frustrating thing in the world to be treated as though your own needs are irrelevant? Particularly when these needs are the TRUTH about your OWN LIFE!

My mind just boggles... just boggles at the people who don't understand this.

Siiigggh....

I so hope you find your father...