Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I am out there searching. I feel like I am almost there. I found a fellow Coleman adoptee who is now helping me. I am searching every obituary in the state of Indiana. I wasted three dollars on a good obituary. I researched everything I could about that name but it was nothing. It didn't have enough kids in it. I have been looking at all possibilities. How many tire plants can there be in Indiana right? It is turning out to be very cumbersome. I feel like I am almost there. I also feel like it is right there in front of me. Call it a feeling I guess. The reason why I have intensified my search is to find my father. I can understand why my birthmother doesn't want contact. I just want to find him now. He wanted to adopt me from the time he found out that I was going to be entering the world. He even went back and told his wife about the affair. I don't know what his motivation was. I can only guess. I do understand why he wanted to adopt me though. He lost three children to some kind of joint disorder. I can't get the records opened up because they are all listed in her name. Even if I went to court, as long as she refuses I can't get the records opened up. They weren't married at the time.
I guess I am lucky in some respects. I have a father that I can honestly respect. It takes a lot of courage to go to your wife and own up to the indescretion that created me. It also takes courage to want to take responsibility for that indescretion. He even called the agency after the adoption.
Even though most men aren't like my birthfather, I do contend that we need to allow for the possibility for him to step forward. We cannot shirk this right because the adoption industry wants to put a child up for adoption faster. In this arena, adoption needs total honesty. No lies at all. Those lies just hurt people further. Closed records are just about covering up the lies. There are three people that want to find each other and we can't because of the lies and the pain of adoption. It is not a reproductive right to continue the lies. It is not a reproductive right to dictate what happens to a child/fetus once he/she becomes an adult. I think the adoption triad is the only group of people that are controlled by those "who know better than us." Adult Adoptees and their birthfamilies are adults. Let us decide what is best for us.