I got an email from the chosen babies group list today. It was a real refreshing read. It was from the 90's time frame but I feel it applies today. Please check this out. The site is http://www.openadoption.org/brosnan.htm It was written by Father Brosnan. I don't know if he still does conferences or not. I hope that he does. I like his way of thinking.
Its funny when you read about a young teenager's search for identity and belonging. It is considered part of the human experience to learn about oneself. It is such a struggle to discover that sense of self. It is painful to watch. I know when my own daughters begin their journeys that it will be a heartwrenching trip for me and my husband. As an adoptee or a birthmother begin their search, no matter what their age, it is a traumatic, painful, yet very healing trip. It is often described as a roller coaster ride. As adoptees begin their search, we are considered ingrates. I do know that the sense of loss and the need to belong are universal experiences especially amongst the adoption triad. I think it is more profound in us. I know that my own birthmother buried the experience of my birth along with all of her secrets and shame when she relinquished me. A birthmother is expected to forget but I know from the CI used that she always thought about me and that she could not forget and always wondered about me. She said that much in the first call that Katrina made and even in her call back to Katrina.
Some psychologists call this an abortion in itself because it denies both the mother and the child in this situation. It denies that a connection even existed. Depending on what legislation or ideology is used. Closed records were used to protect the child or the birthparents. In all actuality they were used to protect the adoptive parents. These decisions were made by other people about children who were just that children. These decisions still affect the child as an adult. These decisions still make the birthparents pay for a sin that in many eyes is no longer existent. From what I have read in the Bible, not even God makes a person pay for a sin that long so why does society still make birthmothers pay?
Love may not eradicate biology but it sure helps in the healing process. All of us need that healing process desparately. What confounds me continually in our society is man's inhumanity to man. I have read stories about how women and children are abused. It seems like to me that our government just puts a bandaid on the gapping wound or turns a blind eye. Number one and foremost in my mind, I believe that Americans should adopt only American children. Those children need our love and support more than anything else. Number two people who harm children need to be held to a higher standard. Like the many stories that I have been reading about adopted children being hurt and even murdered, those people should be put to death. If the right wingers feel that abortion should be outlawed, then the men who abused, maim and kill women who are pregnant should be put to death. If the right wingers support abortion, then we need to put into place laws that support a woman's right to raise her own child. We need to promote true family values. That means financial support at times until a woman can get on her own two feet. If a child is put up for adoption, then the adopting family needs to be thoroughly checked out and monitored to make sure that everyone in that family is okay. That means hiring enough people to ensure the safety of the family involved. We can't outlaw abortion because it is wrong thing to do and the child involved must be allowed to live. Then abandon the child after its birth. That is what is happening in our society. Health and Human resources are being cut by the rightwingers. These people in this department are being overworked and underpaid for their work. Many are so discouraged by the system. I found out here recently that the mental health system here is Texas is one of the most underfunded in the country. If there is an adoption, there needs to be open records. A human being deserves the right to know his heritage, medical history, and his extended family. It is all part of knowing his/her sense of self. If it is a basic human right for every one else, it needs to be that way for adoptees across the country. Like I and many others have said before, an animal has its papers and its history, why can't humanity give that right back to humanity?