I wish my birth mother knew that I have walked a mile in her shoes. I, too, have been physically abused. My step dad was a cruel and evil man at times but as I got older I realized that it was the alcohol and his childhood talking. There were days and years that I don't know how I made it. At times, like her, I was a downer. I guess unlike her I had friends that guided me and made me stronger. They helped me to face my issues. I wish that she knew that I was in the military as was my husband. That he and I both fought for the rights of all even if we disagreed with the way those people express those rights. I wish she knew that I worked as a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service. I wish she knew that I busted almost every good ol' boys club that I ever ran into. I wish she knew that I enjoyed reading, crochet, crosstitching, playing with her grandchildren, and being a wife to my husband (even though because of this search I haven't been all that great of one lately, lol). I wish she knew that I did complete 160 hours of college credit. I may not have finished my degree but I did give it the old college try. I may still yet finish but I may have changed my mind on the area that I may go into.
I also wish that the many birthmothers that are being contacted now could read the information that I have read over the last few months. I have become very well educated in this adoption realm. I know the laws in many states concerning adoption. I helped my sister find her husband's family. Like me, the father's family wants to have open contact. Like me, the mother doesn't want contact. To me, a good mother takes care of all of her children even the ones that were given up. I guess over the last months I have met so many of them. If there is one thing that I could hook my birthmother and my brother-in-law's birth mother into for a source of help, healing, and support, it would be the Concerned United Birthmother's group and the Adoption Triad organization. They have helped me and many other people across our country and Canada.
The laws of this country need to change. The laws need to open to the needs of the child even as an adult. Its sad when I know more history on my cat than I do myself. Its sad when I know more about my dogs' families that I do myself. We have no right protecting secrets that no longer matter any more. General society understands that we are human and that we do make mistakes. The greater mistake is in lying about one's heritage. If animals get more respect than the human child, where is the family values that we hear so much about?
A perfect example of this is a story that I read in a friend's blog yesterday( http://www.royallycranked.blogspot.com/ ) . It amazes me that a child is considered evil and needs to be sent away while his mother can stay here. It amazes me that people go outside of our country and adopt children especially when we have children here in the United States that are in desparate need of a good home. Could it be that they don't want the families of these children to contact those children later? Everyone deserves the right to know their medical history and their heritage. As mental health worker, I see so many cases of abuse in my hospital. I don't think that is right. We as a country don't see the value of women, children, and the true value of the family. I see so many groups on the internet now who still devalue women, children, and the family. Groups like the National Council for Adoption, Pat Robertson, and others use religion to put the family even further down.