FROM THE LAND OF ADOPTION

Well my work schedule will finally normalize. I just have to turn in copies of my mental health worker certification. Then I am a full fledged mental health worker. I just have to make my probation. Time will tell on that one.

As I do with any extra time off, I read as much as I can on the internet especially on the topic of adoptions. So much I see is about the hostile environment between the child and parent. For the most part, don't assume that there is one. There is also an assumed hostile environment between birthmothers and adoptive mothers. Please also disregard that one. It is just about insecurity. Most adoptive parents feel that their adopted children are their children. I know that because that is how my own mother feels. I am her daughter. I will always be her daughter but I also have another mother out there though. She too deserves my love and respect. My heart is big enough to love everyone on all the sides of my triad. Adoptees don't hate their parents on either side. Not even I do. I have certainly earned that right since I am an "accident of biology." I just can't feel that way. Now I will admit when I do find that the white gloves are off. I think everyone in the triad owes everyone total honesty. There can be no other way. All must be admitted, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have to wonder if my own birthmother knows that I have heard the ugly side of her story. I wonder if she knows how much of the ugly side of life that I have seen. I am talking about what humanity does to humanity. I am talking about what I do for a living right now. For instance, a mental ill woman is raped and forced to have a child who is then raped by his uncle for four years before it was discovered. This was from 8 months of age until the child was 4 years of age. I am also talking about the effects of a war. I have done that one too. I am also talking the stories that I read daily on children being maimed, raped, molested, beaten and abused. It also happens on both sides of the issue, natural and adoptive. Neither story is worse than the other. We owe it to each other to be compassionate.

A woman is not wrong for wanting to wait to have children. I had to wait. I was not ready to have children when I was in my twenties. My own mother will tell you that one. I wasn't ready to get married until I was thirty. I was very immature and still am at times. No one can tell a person when they are ready to have children. After my own birthmother had me, she waited a very long time to have my brothers. It also took a very long time to get over the relationship that created me and the loss of me. She states that very matter of factly.

We as women and children need to join together. It is time that we stop attacking each other for what ever our stories are. They are our stories and they don't need to be judged. The laws that are coming into play right now affect our lives. They are forcing women and children to a form of bondage. There are laws that force women to humiliate themselves over and over. Placing an ad in a newspaper if they can't find the birthfather describing the date, time, and place of conception. Other laws force opening a woman's medical record to viewed by both the courts and the public. There are people out there taking photos of patients and staff members of a clinic in South Dakota to be placed on the internet for others to judge. They are even taking photos of their cars and license plate numbers. To me that is a form of stalking. If they are doing this now, what will happen when they have access to the medical records? Every female from the age of birth to the age of 150 will have their medical records examined. Soon women and children will fear going to the doctor at all because they don't want their information put out into public venues. Those records will be used against them. If they are going through a particular rough spell in their lives, they go to the doctor for help. Those records will show them to be incapable of caring for their lives. If they go to get reproductive services, not necessarily abortion, they will be held to the court of public judgement. If a young girl needs birth control to help her control her menstrual cycle, she will judged and labeled a slut without ever having sex. Here I am having had my tubes tied. How badly will I be judged? I feel that two children is enough. I feel that is all that I can afford to take care of. What will be said about me and the others out there? Why are women and children the scourge of the country? That is how the right wingers portray us. They want women to have as many children as possible. Yet we cannot afford to care for the children out there. We have over 520,000 in the foster care system. They won't regulate the adoption system. Women and children suffer at the hands that are very unscrupulous. People who support closed records support those illegal activities. They support demoralizing women and children. They support taking advantage of birthmothers, adoptive parents, and the children that are in these situations. They must support abortion because many birthmothers would not ever go through another closed adoption. What happened to the land of the free? Or is the land of the rich and powerful more of an accurate statement. It sure seems like it to me. It has been proven time and time again that women and children suffer the most.

Lets change the laws. We must allow protections for all not just the rich and powerful. Promote true family values. Please let your legislative branches know that this type of situation is unacceptable to you.