Tuesday, April 04, 2006

SOMEONE ELSE' S PROPERTY

I hate that title but it is the truth. I as well as many other adoptees are someone else's property. Some consider it our adoptive parents. I think we are governmental property. Only in the United States of America are we as adoptees property. We can't get our original birth certificates. The state government of Indiana believes that I am not mature enough or what ever to handle the truth of my adoption. It irks me to no end that someone else can regulate what information I can know about myself. People wonder why I am a control freak. Geez someone smack me upside the head.

Its funny I was thinking about questions that I would ask her once we got past the awkward minutes. Probably the first one I have wondered about is when did you get your first gray hair. The next one is when did you go through menopause. I don't know about other women I can't wait for that time to come. The hormones that have affect my life as a woman have given me grief for years. I just want to know when they will end. So I can actually start living my life without pain. Does she get migraines like I do every month at the same time? Has her body had the same child's reaction to some medications? Lord knows mine has always been that way. Confounds the hell out of me everytime I have to take a new medication. I have to ask what a child's reaction to the medication is. That is how my body reacts to medication. Is she allergic to sulfa drugs like I am? I had a doctor give me celebrex and it dang near killed me. That is when I knew for sure that I could never take sulfa drugs of any kind. A social worker or a court appointed confidential intermediary doesn't know to ask those kind of questions.

I have some answers but not all of them. I deserve to know all the answers in my life. The only way that I am ever going to find them is if I ask the women who I am hereditarily connected. I can't, though, because of a stupid law designed to protect who is what I can't figure out. If it was designed to protect me, well I don't need their protection anymore. I am an adult now. If it was designed to protect my adoptive mom, well she doesn't want that protection either. She wants the truth for her daughter's sake. If it is designed to protect my birthmother, sorry disagree with that one too. She owes me some honesty. She owes me that one phone call to answer all of my questions. I hope soon she realizes that she has questions about me and her granddaughters. I hope that the curiosity is getting to the better of her. That is is just as much her right to know about me as it is for me to know about her. I just want to understand the biological questions that I have. I do see that the biological effect on my life and its choices that I have made. I also see the nurture side effects on my life. I was taught to be caring, nurturing, and protective over my daughters. I get that from my adoptive mom. Lord knows I have taken her on a whirlwind ride a few times but now some things have been explained to some extent but its going to take my own original mom to explain the rest along with my orginal dad to explain things fully. I deserve to know all of my family both birth and adoptive.

If you are out there and online, I hope that you are reading this and understanding all of this. Its not fair for you to keep me and your family in the dark for all of our lives. I hope you realize that your sons and husband won't condemn you. They will realize that you are a human being and are capable of making mistakes. The guilt and shame that you faced in the sixties doesn't need to exist for you any longer. Even though I am a little ticked at your resistance to me, I still need to hear from you if just to answer my questions especially since I know that you are still out there. I don't want you to feel the need to keep this secret. Look at it this way. Wouldn't you just love to tick off your Dad? This would do it honey. This would make him lose his total coolness that he thought he had. Open the records. I know that you are not a "slut." I already know the truth behind what really happened. The adoption records were read to me minus the names and certain key dates. Again it was forty years ago when it happened. You made a mistake and I was the result of that mistake but you and I don't have to continue to be mistakes in each other's lives. You and I can help heal those old wounds and make the world a better place for the both of us to live in. Do you really think your husband would condemn you for this? I don't because I think he would realize that it is a healing process for you that you probably need. It sure as heck would explain why you have been acting so weird for the last couple of months? Why else would you have married him? Doesn't he deserve the real chance to stand beside you and show you what he is capable of? Don't my brothers deserve the true chance to show themselves to be the men you raised them to be? Please change your mind soon. My heart aches for the process to heal.

2 comments:

said...

Hi.. I've been following your blog a bit..this post is great.. You've told your mother to come forward and speak her truth. I read recently that when both adoptee and mother are ready to fully understand one another's truth, then peace has been made. I love that!

Marie Jarrell said...

I could have written this post (or most of it). The part about not being able to ask our natural moms or other female blood relatives questions about things that can turn our lives upside down. And the fact that we are property of others--this is SLAVERY. I feel the rage coming through your words and all I can do is raise my fist in the air and scream YES!