Http://www.stupidstuffithink.blogspot.com/ is our delightful Petunia. She is the consumate happy ass adoptee. On the laws issue, she does somewhat agree with many of us "anti-adoption folks which yes I am a member. She has said some pretty harsh words about a couple of dear friends.
Although I come across as anti-adoption, I am not truly because sadly our society does have a use for it. I do agree that when we need to diminsh abortion numbers but its not a good idea to do so through adoption. Educating our young men and women on the joys and perils of sex is one way. Holding men accountable for their contributions in sex is another. Promoting ways on keeping a child instead of having that baby sold to the highest bidder. Get rid of the tax credit on adoption and lower the cost of adoption. If an adoption agency asks a young mother to use medicaid, then the adoption agency must pay the state back. Regulate the adoption industry. Stop them from being coercive to young mothers and their children. Force prospective adoptive parents to consider parenting a foster child. Make adoptive parents take learning classes on being more receptive to an adoptee's feelings. Allow adoptees access to their own records whatever the contact preference is. We need our own medical and geneological history. It is best if it is a discussion between us and our parents. A Confidential Intermediary is not the best equipped to get all the questions answered.
Although I love my adoptive parents passionately, they have ignored the part that my natural mother has contributed in me. They have forced me in many ways to ignore my own emotions concerning adoption. I have done enough research from reputable people to know that the NCFA does not have a clue as to what adoptees and their families go through living adoption.
Do I have angry emotions about adoption? Yes I do. Especially when I am facing major surgery within the next month for something that I unknowingly passed onto my daughters. All because one woman is scared of the past haunting her. Is it fair that my own parents seem to ignore the fact that I do have feelings about it? That it hurts that she rejected me not only once but twice because she is afraid. I am tougher than most people. Most people could not handle that. It is totally infuriating that people can't see the truth that I and many others like me are living. Trying to prove that adoption is a happy happy joy joy thing is pointless. All you are doing is keeping the records further sealed. Sorry Joy no pun intended.
Only in adoption are those living adoption considered incompetent by reason of adoption. I mean all even our delightful Ms. Petunia are considered this. Can adoption be good? Yes it can. Can you as adoptive parents live with yourselves if you took someone else's child without full consent of both parents? Can you not living adoption truly give a child up for adoption? I can't. I would not want to or be forced into that.
Yes my emotions are powerful and sometimes overwelming but this blog and all my writing helps me channel it into a better constructive venue.
6 comments:
It is not that you and other adoptees are considered incompetent. Repeating this phrase over and over does not make it so, even if you wish real hard. The truth is the state has an interest in protecting the rights and privacy of both parties, birth parents and child. As an adoptee, your rights do not come before your birth parents. Nor do their rights come before yours. That is the original intent of the privacy surrounding adoption. It remains valid to this day. Should both parties wish to drop the veil of privacy, then you can have the information you covet.
Mother may I?
Are you kidding anon?
Just because my mother signed papers relinquishing her rights does not mean that she did not give birth to me. Because she did.
I actually do have my file with all my paperwork and nowhere in it does it ever say that I will be denied my information or that my first mom has any "protection" from me at any time.
She signed a paper of relinquishment, not amnesia.
We have a right to our original birth certificates. We have a right to our medical history.
Anon is absolutely correct when s/he says the state has an interest in the privacy of both parties.
Think of all that money on petition fees, photocopying fees, registry fees and confidential intermediary fees they would lose out on if they just simply gave people their original information.
Whassa matter with you guyz? jeeze!
When natural mother relinquishes her rights to her child, it means all rights to include the right to privacy. This was stated in court cases in which the religious fundies and the NCFA were blasted down by the courts.
Maybe you should read the Evan B. Donaldson Institute's paper on natural mothers. They said 90% want contact and knowledge of their children.
If you were discussing an eye for an eye situation, then lets take the natural parents' birth certificate from them. Then okay I would agree to it.
Adoptee access laws are not about a right to a reunion nor are they about a right to a relationship. Adoptee access laws are about equal rights for adoptees period. I do not have the dcument that accurately records my birth. I might want to go out of the country. I can't now because my amended birth certificate does not accurately report my birth. My amended birth certificate is not even complete. I would be banished from the only country that I have ever known because of these inaccuracies. Many adoptee has had to find a way to prove that they are Americans.
When the Surgeon General pushes family medical history month in November, again I am considered incompetent to know my medical history just by the mere circumstances of my birth. Because of one woman's denial, I am not allowed to contact my natural father who wanted me because the adoption agency made that choice which I paid for in cold hard cash.
Only in adoption does the state regulate human beings and their families. In the non adopted sector, the state does not regulate human relationships.
The only interst that the state does have in adoptees and their families is to further show profit for their budget.
I also love how the rights of the child don't come first according to Anon. Isn't that INTERESTING, adoption must be the only lauded institution that I'm aware of that allows children's rights to be abused. Unbelievable.
Thank you for not being too harsh. I think it's funny you all call happy adoptees "happy ass" when we just call others angry. I totally agree that we have a right to our information. I do believe it shoudl be at 18 unless a medical need arises. You mentioned that the biomothers have rights too...afte all, they are the ones doing to hard job of relinquishing. I guess it should be up to them first (even though the % is small). If they are okay with it - the state should not stand in the way-what business is it of theirs?
I think you are all a little hard on me....I agree with you all on the states backing off. My daughters biomom does not want us to know who she is until J is 18...we will honor that. We still stay in topuch through the agency.
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