Monday, November 24, 2008


Honestly it is the Nebraska Safe Haven stuff that has brought all of this up for me. How many were adoptees that were dumped in Nebraska? Quite a few. I think about those teens. Some already have issues with trust. With this law, how many were compounded? Probably a majority of them. That in itself saddens me. Those kids will feel what I feel only worse.

As I was reading Ms. Saxton's latest blog, I realize that we as a group being adoptees, natural parents, and even adoptive parents are not being heard collectively. You would think that they would listen to us because we have experienced it. I know that we need to remove the money. Yea but that is not all of it. We need to remove the negativity surrounding our needs.

I have to wonder if people outside of adoption really understand what it does to us. I can only speak as an adoptee. I suffer from a serious lack of trust with people in general, abandonment issues (yes I am afraid that my hubby or my family will abandon me again - irrational as it may be), a very low self esteem and a few other symptoms that most adoptees feel whether or not they admit them is another entire thing.

I get a daily email from the Sojourner group. Funny how these two quotes affect us living adoption

Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fatlings; but you do not feed the sheep. You have not strengthened the weak, you have not healed the sick, you have not bound up the injured, you have not brought back the strayed, you have not sought the lost, but with force and harshness you have ruled them.

- Ezekiel 34:2-4

An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics.

- Plato


Mia said...

I also see a lot of co-dependency issues (me included). Always feeling it's our job to fix and make right, to heal what is broken.

The worst part is, as you said, fear of abandonment keeps us around even when we know deep down the "fixing" may not be working. Those two things can end up being a really detrimental combination in life.

And I think you're right. I am really convinced that the bulk of this stems from being fostered in an environment/society that does not "allow" us to be honest and process our true feelings while we are growing up.

Amyadoptee said...

Add to that, I find it hard to even own my feelings in adoption. That is why it is so easy for me to hide out in the fighting for our rights. I don't like talking about it because I have to consider everyone else's feelings first before my own. With their thoughts and feelings convoluting my own, I can't figure what is truly me.

Truthfully I think adoption stinks for all of us. I feel that adoption as it is practiced hurts me. I have a mother who denies that I exist. I have a mother who wishes that I was her biological child. I am somewhere in between. I can't figure that part out. I am not comfortable in my own skin because I am not accepted as me. I am the answer for the needs of others. I wonder about my own foundation. If I never find, how will I know that all that I am is strong enough to last my life span? Is it enough to bridge the gap that I feel is between me and my children? When will I heal enough to allow people close to me? Is finding my mother the answer to that? So many questions and no answers in sight.

Its good to see you Mia. I am glad that you are back and writing again.

maybe said...

Wow, check out the link to the b-mother's book that Saxton thinks is da bomb.

There is a viewable intro chapter that reads like the adoption industry's bible for subtle coercion. She focuses on making a list of her inadequecies, late-night feedings, money, wanting the child to have a "nice" (aka materialistic) upbringing, etc. The agency even showed her all the poor infertile couples that she could choose from (her job was to give them a baby and fulfill their dreams, yay!). Sadly, the agency counselor asked her what she thought her baby would want - and she didn't even realize the baby would want his MOTHER! She focused instead on lifestyle.
BTW, this was not a teen pregancy, she was a 20 year-old WOMAN.


Anonymous said...

Heidi bemoaned a generation that takes the attitude “What’s right for you may not be right for me.”

My concern is with people who think that what's right for them is right for everybody.

Surely there must be some middle way.
Oh no ! Silly me. That's not compromise.
It's relativism

Amyadoptee said...

Its like Jack said. The government will not crack down on separation of church and state.

No one wants to be realistic about any of this.In my mind, safe havens do the same thing to the child as abortion does. Only the child lives

Anonymous said...

Maybe: Didn't you get the memo? God wants us to let go of our "anger" and "bitterness" so He can save our souls! *cough*